OK, you can come out from under the bed now. Come on, admit it, two weeks ago today, you were scared shitless. S’alright, we all were. I had one friend tell me on election day that it felt like sitting in the examining room at the doctors, waiting for the lab results to come back. It felt that existential.
Relax. Take a deep breath. Grab a Canada Dry Ginger Ale if idiots with man buns on commercials are what cools your thrusters. The “Curse of 2016” is lifted. Lucy held the football steady. A #16 seed beat a #1 seed. The Cubs freakin’ won the World Series a couple of years ago. It’s a brave new world!
Fuck it. After what we’ve been through for the last two years, it’s OK to gloat. Let’s just call November 6, 2018 what it truly was. A no-holds-barred, unconditional, don’t-tell-mama, Wookie stomp. Faith in the polls has been restored, although in reality there was never any real reason to doubt them. In 2016, national polling had the race called almost to the decimal point, it was the anomalies in three rust belt states that led to the current national nightmare. Three weeks ago, everybody wanted to call it a “blue ripple,” but in fact it turned into a blue tsunami. Without the evils of the 2011 GOP gerrymander, the 2018 blue wave would have almost doubled the number of seats that we actually ended up with.. Even the vaunted “Reagan country” of Orange county California is now a “red free zone.”
Here’s the only number you really need to know from the 2018 midterms to put the picture into 72”, LCD clear perspective. With a scattering of California votes still to be counted, the Democrats pumped out an amazing 61,000,000 votes in 2018. Which is only one million fewer votes than Donald Trump got in 2016! The Democrats did that without a Presidential candidate even on the ballot. His Lowness had the usual bullshit word salad to explain the defeat. Basically, he won the Senate, which was historic, but “his name wasn’t on the ballot” when it came to House races. So, you mean, Trumpaholics came out for your Senate candidates, but let your House incumbents take it in the shorts? Let the Trombies come out in 2020, his “sleeper” states of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania are blue again. 2016 showed those Democrats what happens when you take shit for granted.
The Orange Julius may be as blissfully ignorant of the true import of the midterms as he is about anything else that can’t be chewed and swallowed, but Mitch McConnell sure isn’t. He knows exactly what it means. The Democrats are about to get behind the wheel of that House bullet train, and drive it right up his ass. Democrats are going to pass targeted, surgical healthcare fixes, pre-existing conditions, restoration of high risk pools, and hopefully direct Medicare and Medicaid drug company negotiations bills, and let his Senate defy the will of the voters. Trump’s tax law is about as popular as a liverwurst ice cream cake, if the Democrats are smart, they’ll pass a bill to rescind the corporate and top 0.1% tax breaks, and use the money for a big, fat, beautiful infrastructure jobs bill. Hell, Trump has been talking about that since day one. Let the Democratic led House actually do all of the things that the GOP controlled congress has been talking about, and then let Trump and McConnell explain why it won’t work.
Oh, and Mr President? Go ahead, yuk it up Bozo. “Little Adam” is about to take a giant Schitt on your head. Did you hear Lindsey Graham’s latest thigh slapper? Senator Barney Fife wants to hold Senate Judiciary committee hearings on Hillary’s e-mails. Please do , doofus, you can schedule those for the same day that Adam Schiff drags Ivanka, kicking and screaming, into an open hearing to explain why she’s such a special snowflake that White House e-mail protocols don’t extend to her. Matt Whitaker should look great trying to explain how he mistook CNN for FOX News when he was spouting all of that anti Mueller shit, and Steve
Munchkin Mnuchin should look uber dignified, sitting there sweating like a bathroom mirror after a shower, while he tries to explain how Der Gropinfuror’s tax returns are covered under “executive privilege.” My personal favorite would be to see Trump’s personal glycerine colon soother, Devin Nunes, sitting in front of the House Judicial committee, trying to explain why his actions against the Mueller investigation didn’t constitute obstruction of justice. The only restriction to the Democratic led investigations should be to keep them from giving the impression of becoming actual “witch hunts.” Stick with the issues that resonate.
There is only one question for the Democratic House to answer for the next two years. You talked the talk, do you walk the walk? 2018 could well be the precursor for a 2020 steamroller. You want to flip red states blue in 2020? Sweeten the Medicaid expansion to the point where “Trump voters” will vote for Democrats down ballot, just so their kids can see a doctor without having to take out a second mortgage. Especially the US Senate, since that’s where GOP obstruction is going to come from. It may not pass, and Trump may not sign it if it did, but that’s not the point. The point is that this stuff would pass if only there were more Democrats, especially in the Senate, and a sane Democratic President. We spent nine long years letting the GOP frame every argument and issue, and look what happened when we finally framed it for a change in 2018. Stick with what works, winning feels good for a change, doesn’t it?
The wait is over! Volume two of the trilogy, President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange is now available. Amazon is whining about me crashing their site, but the hell with them, I ain't in this for their health. You can also find volume one, President Evil as well. And fear not, work on volume three is just beginning.
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