Donald Trump Jr. is at it again, folks. Hats off to whoever managed to sandblast the flop sweat and happy powder from Patrick Bateman Trump Jr.’s face before he hit “record” on his latest video. Otherwise, this whole spectacle could have been borderline embarrassing. I sense that Junior would prefer to spend his days...
Projection is pretty much all Republicans do these days, so if anyone on the right accuses President Biden of selling our nuclear launch codes for a bump of Adderall, a McRib with extra pickles and hog scrotums, and a deep-tissue taint massage from the traveling company of the Bolshoi Ballet, you...
Projection is pretty much all Republicans do these days, so if anyone on the right accuses President Biden of selling our nuclear launch codes for a bump of Adderall, a McRib with extra pickles and hog scrotums, and a deep-tissue taint massage from the traveling company of the Bolshoi Ballet, you...
If you’re going to invest your hard-earned money betting on Donald Trump, you’d be better off starting a pool where you try to predict when the Hot Pocket lodged in his left ventricle finally explodes his heart like a beached Oregon whale. Investing in one of his businesses? You might as...
Melania Trump’s flailing attempts to do good in the world—presumably to fulfill the bare minimum requirements of being a (former) first lady—have always felt a little insincere. While in the White House, she launched a much-ridiculed anti-bullying campaign clumsily dubbed “Be Best,” even though by far her most effective anti-bullying tactic...
If you have even a scintilla of appreciation for freedom and democracy, it’s impossible to watch Ukrainians’ bold defense of their country from the dyspeptic Goliath next door and not feel inspired. President Biden deserves immense credit for rallying the free world to Ukraine’s cause and imposing massive sanctions on Vladimir...
I’ve always thought Marjorie Taylor Greene should be expelled from Congress for her sprawling threats and conspiracy theories. Now I’m starting to think she should be expelled from the solar system. At least she’d be clear of the Jewish space lasers. This woman has been responsible for more brimming barf bags...
Vladimir Putin has made his second foray into Ukrainian territory since 2014, first Crimea and now poised to march into Kyiv. Both moves were against Democratic presidents, and both seem retaliatory for personal reasons. Putin’s tension with the Obama administration is well documented, especially with former Secretary of State Hilary...
Since it’s probably unconstitutional to ban people from public office just because their missives look like scribblings from a fourth-grader’s Trapper Keeper, we may have to use the 14th Amendment to keep the traitorous, Trump-besotted frat boy Madison Cawthorn from seeking another term in Congress. The North Carolina congressman is suing to prevent his...
This will either be extremely alarming or just another fraught moment on this lush, fragile, spinning rock of ours—depending on how enthusiastically you took to huffing industrial paint solvents as the clammy orange murder-ape squatted (quite possibly literally) in the Oval Office from 2017-2021. Donald Trump is naught but an oozy, malodorous mound of...
The most shocking part about this story isn’t Marco Rubio’s hypocrisy. That’s a given, like Donald Trump’s slovenly ineptitude or early summer squalls that drop hailstones the size of Louie Gohmert’s head. No, the truly surprising part is that his hypocrisy was so incandescent it actually drew flak from Fox News. Donald...
Joe Biden could fire up a blunt on the White House lawn while barbecuing a passel of pandas and the nation’s last remaining supply of freeze-dried Roswell aliens, and he’d still have some catching up to do to match the lurching lawlessness of the Trump administration. Donald Trump is an...
While I can only assume Donald Trump is terrified of any book that hasn’t been hollowed out and stuffed with lunchmeats, he’s apparently really nervous about New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman’s upcoming tell-all-that-maybe-should-have-been-told-years-ago magnum opus. Already we’ve learned that Trump used to flush documents down the toilet like a...
It’s nearly inconceivable the amount of time, energy, and money Donald Trump’s fans have poured into challenging the results of the 2020 election, simply because Trump couldn’t squeeze the words “I lost” out of the one orifice on his body that’s borderline capable of such elocution. Instead, he let his marginally...
Can anyone still say with a straight face that Donald Trump wasn’t trying to illegally overturn the legitimate results of the 2020 presidential election? Everything he did from Nov. 3, 2020 to Jan. 20, 2021 appeared singularly focused on shoving his epic loser stink back in the bottle—and his loserly obsession...
On Monday, POLITICO’s Playbook reported that ABC is having a hard time finding a conservative host to replace Meghan McCain on The View. The problem? It’s become impossible to find a modern conservative who won’t go on the air every weekday and try to kill thousands of Americans and/or Western...
Oh, hey, Ted Cruz still wants to be president! Of course he does. The “breaking” part of this news is that he still seems to think it’s possible. Though, to be fair, Ted did snag a lot of primary votes in 2016—and that was before the beard. Imagine the mojo...
If you sleep on Mike Lindell even for a moment, you miss barrels and barrels of bonkers. And if you sleep on one of his pillows, you may just stay awake long enough to hallucinate technicolor election conspiracies like they’re bedazzled DMT machine elves. But I doubt you’d ever get non...
I have a deep, visceral mistrust for anyone who says God is on their side. When has Providence ever sorted winners and losers like this? Didn’t we learn better from the bloody Crusades? Or centuries of ruinous sectarian violence? Or Tim Tebow’s NFL career? Of course, these days we’re meant to believe...
Is huffing model airplane glue the latest crackpot COVID cure or something? Can she really be this stupid? A sitting congresswoman? Really? Or is it simply that her fundraising haul goes up every time she demonstrates a basic misunderstanding of … erm … everything? She is the Lauren. She speaks for...
Is huffing model airplane glue the latest ridiculous COVID-19 cure or something? Can she really be this ignorant? A sitting congresswoman? Really? Or is it simply that her fundraising haul goes up every time she demonstrates a basic misunderstanding of … erm … everything? She is the Lauren. She speaks for...
Didn’t Western civilization make a collective decision some years ago that Nazis were bad? I seem to remember learning something about that in my ultra-woke private Catholic school way back in the 1970s. We melt their faces off in movies and honor those who fought against them, and yet they still burrow...
Because Donald Trump lies about everything, right? All I need to hear is that Trump said something in order to determine—with metaphysical certitude—that that thing is false. When I first heard about the alleged pee tape, I thought, “Hmm, interesting—but come on! Really? Too lurid to take seriously.” Now, after observing this...
Oh, Facebook. Sweet, sweet Facebook. Could you go back to the day when everyone annoyed me with their latest Bejeweled Blitz and Candy Crush scores instead of their breathless invitations to join in the thorough dismantling of Western civilization? You’d think a guy who wanted to nuke hurricanes, suggested injecting disinfectant...
“Slammer Time” may be on the horizon. It won’t be about the DoJ looking backward or forward, but looking inward to do something historical to maintain democracy. Because a malign GOP is going to try it again. The blueprint was there for a while before it was committed to paper...
The latest news from Bizarro World is that Donald Trump is finally starting his own social media company—and it’s named TRUTH Social. Because while irony is long dead, that doesn’t mean Trump can’t beat it in the head with a shovel a few more times just to watch its corpse...
Apparently, Rudy Giuliani just discovered video filters. Specifically, he found the Planet of the Apes Cornelius filter and added a stovepipe hat. Or maybe it’s Abraham Lincoln. I don’t know. The last thing I want to do is try to get into Rudy’s head. I imagine it’s a little like visiting a...
If you haven’t seen Netflix’s Squid Game yet—well, what are you waiting for? If anything is a parable for our time, this is it. Too often meteoric cultural phenomena that purport to capture the zeitgeist fail to capture my interest, but this one is different. If you believe, as I...
It goes without saying that most congressional Republicans know the Big Lie is just that—an absurd fabrication spun from the gossamer remains of their party’s perpetual pants pyre. Donald Trump was always going to lie about the 2020 election results. It’s what he does. He lied about the election he won, for God’s...
When Donald Trump inevitably chokes to death while trying to swallow an entire Costco rotisserie chicken, you can pretty much guarantee he’ll still be clinging to his nonsensical claims about the 2020 election. His belief that he was robbed last November is simply impervious to facts. Meanwhile, any meager morsel...
It begins…more likely prosecution of Trump corporate tax fraud coming first because it’ll always be about strong cases. Trump Organization facing possible criminal charges, sources say https://t.co/yfzrKV0jGu — Morning Joe (@Morning_Joe) June 28, 2021 The Trump Organization is expected to be hit with criminal charges as soon as next week...
Donald Trump has ruined a lot of lives. Usually that’s a tragedy. But sometimes it careens mighty close to comedy. Needless to say, those who hitched their wagon to Donald Trump were staring at a billowy, cornucopian rectum for what must have seemed an eternity. And now they’re in a ditch, with a...
Stephen Miller runs a new RWNJ lobbying group for the voter suppression agenda at the state level. It features some of the usual grifting suspects from the Trump administration. Lots of expertise with the customized large-member-toilet patent guy and Trump’s major domo who knows a lot about overthrowing an election. Sadly,...
Previous guy whines with some strange riffs from Mueller Report, likely because of the latest Rudy tape as well as the McGahn testimony. Apparently he still wants that Moscow hotel. BTW, #Russia's state TV continues to describe Trump as "their president." Tongue-in-cheek or factual? Both.https://t.co/NQIPkMFFei — Julia Davis (@JuliaDavisNews) June...
Mark Meadows’s instrumental role in the insurrection and the 2020 election nullification has yet to be revealed but the facts are beginning to emerge. “Mark Meadows pressured DOJ to investigate unfounded conspiracy theories about the 2020 presidential election in an attempt to nullify the results.” But the communications between Mr....
Ever since Gov. Brian Kemp allowed Donald Trump to go down in a haze of gory following the latter’s embarrassing loss in the once reliably red state of Georgia, he’s been persona non grata among a large faction of MAGAs. Two county GOP parties voted to censure him over his...
Some day, when Donald Trump is made king of the MAGA States of America—a commonwealth of the kingdom of the mole people, where he will reign over the primeval subterranean realms for a millennium, or until a hunk of Cool Ranch snackin’ lard gets lodged in his aorta, whichever comes first—people...
The most disturbing part about this story is that MyPillow guy Mike Lindell still has a jet. Why hasn’t he been sued into a lukewarm puddle of adipose and hotdish-redolent mustache clippings yet? Come on, Dominion. Go do that voodoo that you do so well. Of course, despite getting sued...
These are days fraught with political battles over cultural histories abjuring complexity. Today it’s The Wall Street Journal and the reactionary path to critical race theory, the latest bit of Trumpist ignorance now projected into personnel policies and the larger revisionist history project that would deny the historical relevance of slavery...
The devolution of the Republican Party has been a sight to behold—but it’s been a particularly fraught experience for ex-Republicans. I know if the Democrats had nominated Charlie Sheen for president in 2016 and then proceeded to abandon all their previously held goals and principles in exchange for a chance...
Oklahoma’s right-wing politicians would like to erase history because that’s what they do, whether it’s the omission of facts or rewriting them to favor those in power. Historical guilt and its associated media effects cooties can’t be part of public school curricula. H.B. 1775 implies that the past prior to 1776...
Donald John Ignatius Caligulard Trump has had a lot of coffee boys for someone who only drinks Diet Coke. If you’re in the Trump orbit and that orbit begins to decay, well, you might as well be green cruciferous vegetables as far as DJT is concerned. He sure as shit...
Throughout the one-term presidency of Donald Trump, he has been implicated in numerous criminal activities. They include making hush money payments to porn porn stars, collusion with Russians seeking to interfere with an election, obstruction of justice, financial and tax fraud connected to his real estate business, swindling his charitable...
Virginia Foxx is a U.S. representative from North Carolina and not, as you might suspect from her name, a now-bitter original member of Emmet Otter’s Jug Band. Honestly, I’d never heard of her before. Yes, I’m a politics nerd, but apparently she’s been hiding her light under a bushel basket...
A Trump indictment moves closer with McGahn agreement to testify to Congress, as with a variety of other possible witness cooperation and NY DA activity. The Manhattan DA is signaling such possible indictments, according to Preet Bharara x Palm Beach planning for possibility of Trump indictment: reporthttps://t.co/V2HdCWrf6G — MeidasTouch.com (@MeidasTouch) May 13, 2021...
So this happened yesterday: Glenn Youngkin, a wealthy first-time candidate who walked a line between his party’s Trump-centric base and appeals to business interests, won the Republican nomination for governor of Virginia on Monday. He heads into a general election in one of only two states choosing their governors in...
I say “schaden,” you say “freude”! Schaden! … I can’t hear you! Okay, we’ll come back to that. This is all you need to know for the time being. Donald J. Trump’s “From the Desk of” blog (link not available) is a big dumpy pile of impotent derp. From NBC...
‘The Diamonds Must Be Returned’: Pretending that Democrats did a smash and grab only reminds us of the insurrection. Previous Guy must have been watching a diamond heist movie amidst his rounds of golf. But are the Democrats really diamond thieves or is Trump fantasizing about conflict diamonds or cubic...
It’s been a while since I weighed in on Mike Lindell’s social media platform, Frankspeech, and his increasingly deranged efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election, which Donald Trump lost like the losingest loser in Losertown, Loser Province, Loservania. To Lindell, it’s simply not possible that the nice, well-spoken, boundlessly compassionate man...
I’m always gobsmacked whenever anyone gets in bed with Donald Trump—either literally or figuratively—because, for one, he never shows love or loyalty to anyone and, for another … ew, gross. Last week, we discovered that glitching espresso machine cum coffee boy Rudy Giuliani wants Trump to pay him for his legal...
