Trump just told us the value of a human life.

No more skirting the issue. No more beating around the bush. No more even pretending to give a shit. The sitting President of the United States just came out in a statement, and gave us the value of a human life. Or as many as may pile up. And that value is 450 billion dollars.

The life whose value was just determined by the national disgrace that is Trump, is of course that of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. Although it could just as easily be referring to a busload of Yemeni children, or jailed Saudi journalists or political opponents, take your pick. In the mercenary “America First!” world of Donald Trump, the going rate for Saudi inspired slaughter is a cool, non negotiable $450 billion. Bulk rate.

In a truly stomach turning press release, Trump formally announced that even if the intelligence community had an audio recording of Crown Prince Mohamad Bin Salman ordering the execution and dismemberment of Khashoggi, Trump and his lick spittle son in law, Jared Kushner, are all in with Saudi Arabia.

This disgusting missive begins with the usual Trump flair, “The world is a dangerous place!”, after which it launches into an infantile rant against Iran, cuz, like Iran and stuff. Then comes the meat and potatoes, the valuing human life like the trade in value of a 2012 Nissan Sentra;

After my heavily negotiated trip to Saudi Arabia last year, the Kingdom agreed to spend and invest $450 billion in the United States. This is a record amount of money. It will create hundreds of thousands of jobs, tremendous economic development, and much additional wealth for the United States. 

There you have it. Based on an if-we-can-find-enough-change-under-the-sofa-cushions promise, the price is set. Only even that is bullshit, since like every other number Trump has ever heard, it magically increases every time he says it. The original Saudi agreement to buy US military hardware was slightly less than half of that value. But even that is more than enough to allow the Saudi’s to get medieval on anybody it wants, including permanent US residents.

And that pesky CIA report, you know, the one that confirms that MBS personally ordered the execution of Khashoggi? Well, screw that, Trump has that one covered;

Our intelligence agencies continue to assess all information, but it could very well be that the Crown Prince had knowledge of this tragic event – maybe he did and maybe he didn't! 

That being said, we may never know all of the facts surrounding the murder of Mr. Jamal Khashoggi. In any case, our relationship is with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. They have been a great ally in our very important fight against Iran.

So, stick that in your pipe and smoke it, CIA! You think that just because you have a cool, universally known acronym, you can try to confuse me with facts? And as for any of those little pissants in congress, making loud noises about having thoughts about going over Trump’s head, they just better think again;

I understand there are members of Congress who, for political or other reasons, would like to go in a different direction – and they are free to do so. I will consider whatever ideas are presented to me, but only if they are consistent with the absolute security and safety of America.

Trump then goes on to remind all and sundry that next to the United States, Saudi Arabia is the largest oil producing country in the world. Waddaya want, $5 a gallon gas over one dead journalist? 

So, there you have it. The going price of human life for Saudi Arabia is $45 billion, although I’m sure that’s negotiable. As for the value of human life where Russia is concerned? I’m sure that the price is much higher, Trump would want Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and California in 2020. But hurry up Vlad, this is a limited time offer, and agents are standing by to take your call. Here is the complete text of the statement, if you can stomach it.

The world is a very dangerous place!

The country of Iran, as an example, is responsible for a bloody proxy war against Saudi Arabia in Yemen, trying to destabilize Iraq's fragile attempt at democracy, supporting the terror group Hezbollah in Lebanon, propping up dictator Bashar Assad in Syria (who has killed millions of his own citizens), and much more. Likewise, the Iranians have killed many Americans and other innocent people throughout the Middle East. Iran states openly, and with great force, “Death to America!” and “Death to Israel!” Iran is considered “the world's leading sponsor of terror.”

On the other hand, Saudi Arabia would gladly withdraw from Yemen if the Iranians would agree to leave. They would immediately provide desperately needed humanitarian assistance. Additionally, Saudi Arabia has agreed to spend billions of dollars in leading the fight against Radical Islamic Terrorism.

After my heavily negotiated trip to Saudi Arabia last year, the Kingdom agreed to spend and invest $450 billion in the United States. This is a record amount of money. It will create hundreds of thousands of jobs, tremendous economic development, and much additional wealth for the United States. Of the $450 billion, $110 billion will be spent on the purchase of military equipment from Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon and many other great U.S. defense contractors. If we foolishly cancel these contracts, Russia and China would be the enormous beneficiaries – and very happy to acquire all of this newfound business. It would be a wonderful gift to them directly from the United States!

The crime against Jamal Khashoggi was a terrible one, and one that our country does not condone. Indeed, we have taken strong action against those already known to have participated in the murder. After great independent research, we now know many details of this horrible crime. We have already sanctioned 17 Saudis known to have been involved in the murder of Mr. Khashoggi, and the disposal of his body

Representatives of Saudi Arabia say that Jamal Khashoggi was an “enemy of the state” and a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, but my decision is in no way based on that – this is an unacceptable and horrible crime. King Salman and Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman vigorously deny any knowledge of the planning or execution of the murder of Mr. Khashoggi. Our intelligence agencies continue to assess all information, but it could very well be that the Crown Prince had knowledge of this tragic event – maybe he did and maybe he didn't! 

That being said, we may never know all of the facts surrounding the murder of Mr. Jamal Khashoggi. In any case, our relationship is with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. They have been a great ally in our very important fight against Iran. The United States intends to remain a steadfast partner of Saudi Arabia to ensure the interests of our country, Israel and all other partners in the region. It is our paramount goal to fully eliminate the threat of terrorism throughout the world! 

I understand there are members of Congress who, for political or other reasons, would like to go in a different direction – and they are free to do so. I will consider whatever ideas are presented to me, but only if they are consistent with the absolute security and safety of America. After the United States, Saudi Arabia is the largest oil producing nation in the world. They have worked closely with us and have been very responsive to my requests to keeping oil prices at reasonable levels – so important for the world. As President of the United States I intend to ensure that, in a very dangerous world, America is pursuing its national interests and vigorously contesting countries that wish to do us harm. Very simply it is called America First!

The wait is over! Volume two of the trilogy, President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange is now available. Amazon is whining about me crashing their site, but the hell with them, I ain't in this for their health. You can also find volume one, President Evil as well. And fear not, work on volume three is just beginning.

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