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Rand Paul thinks Joe Biden's calls for truth and unity were super-divisive

2 min read

I’m not entirely sure why Rand Paul’s neighbor beat the crap out of him—and I certainly don’t condone such behavior (only God can judge—and subsequently beat the shit out of—Rand Paul)—but figuring it out isn’t exactly like searching for a unified field theory.

I assume it had something to do with his chronic and palpable Rand Paul-ness. 

Here was the animatronic Chia Pet on Fox News last night doing his best to somehow make Joe Biden appear divisive on the day of his inauguration:



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PAUL: “Also, if you read his speech and listen to it carefully, much of it is thinly veiled innuendo calling us white supremacists, calling us racists, calling us every name in the book, calling us people who don’t tell the truth. ‘And going forward we’re not going to have manufactured or manipulated truth.’ Well, that’s another way of saying, ‘Oh, all of my opponents manufacture and manipulate the truth and are liars.’ He just said it in a nicer way, but that was really the gist of what he was telling us.”

Glad to see you’re coming out against telling the truth, Rand. Then again, what could he possibly say after the Trump years, during which, as far as the GOP was concerned, the truth was whatever Donald Trump said it was?

Also, ding ding ding!

“… all of my opponents manufacture and manipulate the truth and are liars.”

Correct! You win a full-on ‘70s Mac Davis perm, Senator. Visit your nearest Fantastic Sams to collect!

Joe Biden didn’t mention Donald Trump once in his speech. But if Paul thinks he heard criticism of Trump’s and the GOP’s well-documented indifference toward reality, well, that’s on him.

Personally, methinks he doth protest too much—and conditioneth his hair too little.

But that’s divisive, so I won’t mention it. 


I won't mention it again.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Donald Trump is gone, but the mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Laughs only from here on out. Click those links!

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