Aldous Pennyfarthing

In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.

Fascist death yam Donald Trump probably doesn’t understand why—or even whether—he’s a fascist. Since none of the history textbooks he “read” in college included either his name or a hollowed-out compartment in the shape of a Little Debbie snack cake, it’s unlikely he ever got past the first few pages of any of...

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  • May 24, 2022

No wonder Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are best friends. No amount of gaslighting or tragic irony can trigger shame in either of them. The rampaging, “de-Nazifying” Russian army, which has spectacularly failed in its urgent campaign to capture—and likely torture—Ukraine’s Jewish president, has now damaged a second Ukrainian Holocaust...

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  • March 26, 2022

The GOP is no longer a serious political party. It’s a vaudeville show, and all they care about these days is performing. Not performing good deeds, mind you. Just performing. And the top clowns were all feeling their oats on Wednesday.  Whether he’s concocting ad hoc reasons for flying to...

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  • March 24, 2022

Donald Trump’s Hitler Goof rallies have been drawing less and less interest lately, in part because windmill cancer has tragically taken so many of his rural devotees and also because Fox News no longer sees any benefit to broadcasting them. And why would they? His shtick never changes. It’s like watching...

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  • March 23, 2022

If you’re wondering when the Republican Party first took a hard right turn onto Loopy Lane, you need look no further than 2008, when a desperate Sen. John McCain, trying to distance himself from the noxious mound of still-moldering viscera that was the Bush II administration, tapped Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin in...

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  • March 22, 2022

Let’s see. In the past few years, Republicans have hitched themselves to Vladimir Putin, violent insurrectionists who tried to overthrow the legitimate government of the United States, a sore-loser campaign to undermine democracy, a former president who stole boxes of classified information from the White House and called a murderous...

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  • March 20, 2022

On Thursday, the House voted 424-8 to suspend normal trade relations with Russia in the wake of Vladimir Putin’s unprovoked war of aggression against Ukraine. Congress rarely achieves that kind of consensus on anything, unless the vote is for not telling Ted Cruz about the weekly after-work happy hour, but Ukraine’s plight has...

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  • March 18, 2022

Former Vice President Mike Pence, who likely spent more time wiping Donald Trump’s bottom than his own over the past half-decade, is now persona non grata in TrumpWorld, thanks to his brazen attempt to install Joe Biden as president simply because he’d won the election. One definition of chutzpah could...

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  • March 17, 2022

Before Vladimir Putin decided it was a swell idea to take his mass murdering to the next level, you almost had to squint to see the traitorous stains who walked among us. But the “savvy genius” who got hopelessly bogged down in Ukraine in less time than it takes Donald...

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  • March 16, 2022

Short, sweet, to the point and, above all, awesome. Today, Russia announced it was sanctioning President Biden and several other current and former U.S. officials—including, for some reason, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Shockingly, Donald Trump was not sanctioned. Possibly because withholding pallet shipments of 12-cheese blinis from noncombatants is...

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  • March 16, 2022

New York Rep. Elise Stefanik—the third-ranking Republican in the U.S. House of Representatives—has at last captured the national zeitgeist! Americans aren’t worried about Ukraine, the economy, creeping fascism here and abroad, COVID-19, or any of the other stories the lamestream media keep pushing. The brutal truth is that most people...

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  • March 15, 2022

If there’s anything more pathetic than Ted Cruz being pusillanimous, it’s Ted Cruz trying to act tough. Lately he’s been supporting the D.C. trucker convoy—the shambolic caravan of dead-ender, pro-death troglodytes that suddenly seems as culturally relevant as C.W. McCall’s seminal 1975 hit “Convoy.”  Of course, being Ted Cruz, he’s been nothing...

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  • March 12, 2022

We recently discovered that actor Rick Schroder—who famously portrayed a spoiled little kid in the ‘80s sitcom Silver Spoons—is reprising that role as part of the Washington, D.C., TruckNutz Convoy that’s fecklessly circling Washington in protest of rapidly fading COVID-19 mitigation mandates.   Americans are paying scant attention to them, because Ukrainians...

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  • March 11, 2022

Okay, so you may have read that headline and thought, “What? Tucker Carlson is finally souring on Putin’s war?” Oh, no. Don’t worry. It’s not like we’ve entered Bizarro World or anything. No, we’re simply at the stage in Vladimir Putin’s career when Russian state TV is obliquely questioning its...

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  • March 11, 2022

Projection is pretty much all Republicans do these days, so if anyone on the right accuses President Biden of selling our nuclear launch codes for a bump of Adderall, a McRib with extra pickles and hog scrotums, and a deep-tissue taint massage from the traveling company of the Bolshoi Ballet, you...

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  • March 6, 2022

Projection is pretty much all Republicans do these days, so if anyone on the right accuses President Biden of selling our nuclear launch codes for a bump of Adderall, a McRib with extra pickles and hog scrotums, and a deep-tissue taint massage from the traveling company of the Bolshoi Ballet, you...

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  • March 6, 2022

Melania Trump’s flailing attempts to do good in the world—presumably to fulfill the bare minimum requirements of being a (former) first lady—have always felt a little insincere. While in the White House, she launched a much-ridiculed anti-bullying campaign clumsily dubbed “Be Best,” even though by far her most effective anti-bullying tactic...

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  • March 4, 2022

Three members of the Congressional Putin Caucus (fka the GOP) have somehow seen fit to vote against a resolution supporting Ukraine in the wake of Russia’s elective war of aggression. It’s an odd choice for members of a party that’s already under heavy scrutiny for its past appeasement of the Russian...

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  • March 3, 2022

Now that (most) Republicans are running away from Vladimir Putin faster than Donald Trump can swallow a whole rotisserie chicken at Sunday brunch, they’ve settled on a talking point that’s as predictable as it is disingenuous. Namely, they argue, Putin chose this moment to invade Ukraine because he perceived President Biden’s...

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  • March 2, 2022

Sometimes I wonder what might have happened had Jim Comey kept his mouth shut prior to the 2016 election, and if Hillary Clinton were now in the second year of her second term. The House hearings on Mr. Potato Head would have been something, I’m sure. That said, it’s hard...

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  • March 1, 2022

Volodymyr Zelensky, who has rebuffed American offers for safe passage out of Ukraine because he insists on fighting to the death for his country, is a Ukrainian national superhero. Donald Trump, on the other hand, once refused to honor American military dead at a hallowed World War I cemetery because he didn’t...

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  • February 27, 2022

Okay, you won’t believe this one. Or, rather, you will, but the barf bags you label “M, Tu, W, Th, F” in anticipation of the coming week in conservatism will fill up faster than a pair of Trump family pantaloons at a New York deposition. J.D. Vance, the guy who less...

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  • February 25, 2022

The GOP will henceforth and forevermore be known as “The Vladimir Putin Republican Dance Party.” In the span of a few short decades, our Republicomrades went from “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall” to “I know Vladimir likes me, but does he like like me?”—all because the derpiest derp who ever...

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  • February 25, 2022

I’ve always thought Marjorie Taylor Greene should be expelled from Congress for her sprawling threats and conspiracy theories. Now I’m starting to think she should be expelled from the solar system. At least she’d be clear of the Jewish space lasers. This woman has been responsible for more brimming barf bags...

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  • February 24, 2022

Since it’s probably unconstitutional to ban people from public office just because their missives look like scribblings from a fourth-grader’s Trapper Keeper, we may have to use the 14th Amendment to keep the traitorous, Trump-besotted frat boy Madison Cawthorn from seeking another term in Congress. The North Carolina congressman is suing to prevent his...

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  • February 23, 2022

So now we know why Sen. Ted Cruz was able to mend fences with Donald Trump so soon after the ocher abomination suggested Ted’s dad may have been involved in the JFK assassination. Ted must have thought it was a really funny “joke” and nothing more. Fox News has forced...

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  • February 20, 2022

While my writing ordinarily focuses on McDonaldland characters locked in a stunning array of ill-considered Kama Sutra positions, my second-favorite topic is likely Donald Trump and his infinite scams. The dude oozes dishonesty—and God knows what else. Which, of course, means he never stops grifting. It’s his default setting. The latest?...

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  • February 19, 2022

Someone needs to crack open Mike Lindell’s head and replace the piñata candy already. It’s obviously gone bad.  The latest from Fascista Ned Flanders may have you scratching your head until you scrape brain: The Mewling Mustache of Minnesota wants to help those scofflaw Canadian truckers who are deliberately screwing with the...

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  • February 17, 2022

This will either be extremely alarming or just another fraught moment on this lush, fragile, spinning rock of ours—depending on how enthusiastically you took to huffing industrial paint solvents as the clammy orange murder-ape squatted (quite possibly literally) in the Oval Office from 2017-2021. Donald Trump is naught but an oozy, malodorous mound of...

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  • February 17, 2022