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America's dumbest new senator can't comment on Marjorie Taylor Greene because of the weather

2 min read

Tommy Tuberville, the first member of Congress to be named after the inside of his own head, is at it again.

The brand-new Alabama senator is locked in an epic battle with Wisconsin’s Ron Johnson to see whose brain will pass out of his body like a kidney stone first, and I’d say Tuberville is making a pretty strong run.

AL.com:

U.S. Sen. Tommy Tuberville declined to comment on the controversy surrounding a north Georgia congresswoman under fire for believing the country’s deadliest school shooting was a hoax — along with other conspiracy theories — because recent severe weather has prevented him from reading the news, according to a report published Tuesday.

“I haven’t even looked at what all she’s done,” Tuberville, a Republican, told CNN about Republican congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia, Business Insider reported“I’d have to hold back a statement on that. Travel in this weather it’s been a little rough looking at any news or whatever.”

Huh?

Did Tuberville ever fly before joining Congress? Has he been circling the Earth like a squirrel monkey in a Soyuz capsule, too freaked out to pick up a fucking newspaper? Yeah, turbulence sucks, but it shouldn’t keep you from being fully informed about the congresswoman who seems destined to chew off your face in a bath salts fugue before laying thousands of tiny eggs in your chest.

And how the fuck is it possible he hasn't heard about the Jewish space lasers? JEWISH MOTHERFUCKING SPACE LASERS! I canceled my Google Alert for “Jewish space lasers” three years ago, and I still heard about it.

Greene has been mired in controversy as old social media posts came to light last week, including that the 2018 Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting in Parkland, Florida where 17 people died was a “false flag operation” and that “Jewish space lasers” were responsible for the 2018 Camp Fire in California that killed 85 people.

Yeah, you can’t just claim Obama’s weather machines are foiling you and expect to move on from that.

Oh, RoJo, you better step up your game.

Your Southern doppelgänger is gaining on you. Fast.

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — BETTE MIDLER on author ALDOUS J. PENNYFARTHING, via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

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