Trump: I'm the worst thing to ever happen to Russia, but Putin likes me

The Trump Crazy Train never stops, so if you want to get on, understand you’ll have to risk your life to do it. This isn’t some snowflake cult where you get to fall asleep peacefully after drinking grape Flavor-Aid. You’re gonna cough up a lung or crack a femur or something. But it’s totally worth it! Because you get to fly exactly this close to the sun (second tweet):

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TRUMP: All these countries, Russia? I’ve been the worst thing that ever happened to Russia. Putin understands that. I get along with Putin, but he understands that. He probably doesn’t want me to win, I can tell you right now. Except I think he likes me, but I’m sure he doesn’t want me to win.

Okay, so Putin loves Trump, but he doesn’t want him to win, because Trump has been the worst thing to ever happen to Russia. But, hey, they get along.

Sure.

Of course, Putin does want Trump to win. Why wouldn’t he? If I owned an Applebee’s and I had to compete with a Chili’s across the street, and that Chili’s was run by a one-legged emu with irritable bowel syndrome, I’d try to preserve the status quo by any means necessary. (Apologies to all flightless birds so afflicted. Your lives are hard enough without being subjected to such calumny.)

This exchange came from Full Measure with Sharyl Attkisson. Of course, Attkisson leans conservative but, last time I checked, the logic centers in her brain were still more or less functional.

Even more slobbery incoherence came up like a bubblin’ crude when the subject of Trump’s ex-attorney general Jeff Sessions was broached (first tweet):

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— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 24, 2020

TRUMP: Jeff Sessions was a disaster as attorney general. Should have never been attorney general, he’s not qualified. He’s not mentally qualified to be attorney general.

Can’t disagree with that! Who hired Sessions in the first place? Oh, that idiot. Well, that explains it.

BONUS! Columbia University is a disgraceful, liberal institution “playing right to their little group of people that tell them what to do.”

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— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 24, 2020

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Okay, then. Enjoy your Sunday! I won’t be going to church today, because I’ve decided the best way to stay alive is to listen intently to everything Donald Trump says and strive to do the opposite. Plus, I’m an agnostic who dabbles in Mahayana Buddhism and weed. At worst the incense and ganja will make me cough on myself.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!