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Dem senator wants Merrick Garland to probe possibly 'fake' FBI investigation of Brett Kavanaugh

3 min read

Remember when Brett Kavanaugh was embroiled in controversy during his Supreme Court confirmation hearing and we all thought the powerful and seismic testimony of Christine Blasey Ford would move the needle, but then Lindsey Graham started screaming his head off like an absinthe-besotted wood elf, Kavanaugh did his whole oppressed white man shtick, and the FBI “investigation” of Kavanaugh turned up diddly and squat?

Yeah, you remember. During the hearing Kavanaugh did his best “shit-faced ’80s frat boy shouting vile obscenities at minimum wage Taco Bell drive-through workers at 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning because his Cinnamon Crispas order looked light” impression. And as someone who lived through the ‘80s, I can tell you that impression was spot-fucking-on.

It was a righteous rage-a-thon headed primarily by a cabal of characters who had, for their entire lives, endured the grim misfortune of having been born white, male, and upper class in a country that reflexively embraces those qualities for no good or sane reason.

Well, it may be a day late and a dollar short, but at least one Democratic senator wants to revisit the FBI investigation of Kavanaugh, now that the government is no longer run by mobsters.

The Hill:

[Sen. Sheldon] Whitehouse, who sits on the Senate Judiciary Committee, sent a letter to Attorney General Merrick Garland last Thursday asking him to conduct “proper oversight” into the bureau’s 2018 probe into sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh.

Whitehouse said the investigation “appears to have been a politically-constrained and perhaps fake.”

In his letter, Whitehouse said “in this matter the shutters were closed, the bridge drawn up, and there was no point of entry by which members of the public or Congress could provide information to the FBI.”

In his letter, Whitehouse alleges that the FBI ignored witnesses and ran a fake “tip line” that “appears to have operated more like a garbage chute, with everything that came down the chute consigned without review to the figurative dumpster.”

Hmm. Coincidentally, that’s exactly how Brett “Bart O’Kavanaugh” Kavanaugh appears to have treated his liquor back in the day

Whitehouse also questioned FBI Director Christopher Wray’s seriousness in the face of very serious allegations: “If standard procedures were violated, and the Bureau conducted a fake investigation rather than a sincere, thorough and professional one, that in my view merits congressional oversight to understand how, why, and at whose behest and with whose knowledge or connivance, this was done,” he wrote. “It cannot and should not be the policy of the FBI to not follow up on serious allegations of misconduct during background check investigations.”

The full letter, which also inquires about other matters undertaken during the Trump administration, is here

I doubt this will come to anything. Kavanaugh is now ensconced on the high court like he no doubt once was in a series of increasingly vomitous dumpsters more or less randomly scattered between his frat house and the nearest Bennigan’s. 

But, hey, it’s worth further exposing the braised sea lion shart that was the former guy’s maladministration, so I’m all for it.

Go Sen. Whitehouse! Let’s say goodbye to the Hitler boof era in style!

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.”  Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Say “ba-bye” to the former guy. The long-anticipated EPILOGUE to Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is now available for FREE. Download your copy here! And don’t forget to check out the rest of AJP’s oeuvre here.

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