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Check out the kookaburra letter Trump sent to Erdogan after giving him green light to invade Syria

2 min read

This comes courtesy of Trish Regan at — oh, here it is — Fox Business.

Other reporters have followed up on this and confirmed it’s real. Yes, 100 percent real. Though I’m still holding out hope that my brain has been floating placidly in a vat of dive-bar egg brine since, I don’t know, November 2016? Yeah, let’s go with that.

Here’s the text, in case your eyes, like mine, have decided to fail you in your advancing years:

Dear Mr. President:

Let’s work out a good deal! You don’t want to be responsible for slaughtering thousands of people, and I don’t want to be responsible for destroying the Turkish economy—and I will. I’ve already given you a little sample with respect to Pastor Brunson.

I have worked hard to solve some of your problems. Don’t let the world down. You can make a great deal. General Mazloum is willing to negotiate with you, and he is willing to make concessions that they would never have made in the past. I am confidentially enclosing a copy of his letter to me, just received.

History will look upon you favorably if you get this done the right and humane way. It will look upon you forever as the devil if good things don’t happen. Don’t be a tough guy. Don’t be a fool!

I will call you later.

“Erdogan! Why, I oughta …!”

“Don’t be a tough guy”? Trump does realize Erdogan isn’t from Queens, right?

So stable. Such a genius.

What would we do without his moral clarity and unmatched negotiation skills?

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear Fcking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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