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Wrestling with Alligators.

3 min read

Well, well, well, isn't this special? Axios is reporting that GOP Ohio Representative, and all around piece of work Jim Jordan has sent a letter to his colleagues, officially advising them that he is in the running to be the next Speaker of the House. I can only hope and pray that Jordan is referring to the “Big House.”

This is not a drill. Stay tuned to this station for updates and possible evacuation instructions. The rationale for this decision makes just about as much sense as anything else that comes out of Jordan's arrogant sewer hole;

.Several leaders of the conservative movement called on Jordan to announce his candidacy in May, arguing that House Republican leadership “has utterly failed” and “proven that it’s part of the Swamp,” and that Jordan is the solution.

I have a news flash for these conservative leaders. It's largely due to the tireless efforts of radical teahadists like Jordan that leadership is having so much trouble getting its collective shit together in the first place. And it's a true north indicator on the moral compass of the GOP that these people think that a guy who is accused of, and has been interviewed by an independent law firm investigating allegations that he looked the other way while athletes under his charge were being fondled by a team doctor, is the perfect voice for modern conservatism.

It is also a classic political example of the tail wagging the dog. The Tea Party, which lately seems to be recycling previously used bags, only consists of about 40 members. GOP House leadership could kick these ass clowns to the curb any time they wanted, simply by crafting bills that would garner enough Democratic support to make up for their absence. This would have the added bonus of making it appear that the GOP was actually capable of governing, nut their slavish devotion to Hastert's “majority of the majority” rule compels them to deal with these boobs.

Fortunately, and I use that word loosely, with other contenders like Kevin McCarthy and Steve Scalise, it seems likely that Jordan will be nothing more than the kid standing on the safe side of the fence, yelling over to the Jets, “Yeah! I'd kick your ass in a heartbeat if you were over here!” And that doesn't even factor in the possibility that with a strong showing by the Democrats in November, this would be relegated to the same exercise in futility that the rest of the GOP party already is. After all, what fun is it to be the leader of the losers?

But I gotta admit, it is kind of fun to think about Jim Jordan, doing his best “Crocodile Dundee,” or maybe Michael Douglas in “Romancing the Stone,wrestling with all of those dangerous alligators, making the GOP swamp nice and safe for mud puppies like Trump. Ah, the amusement we turn to in these dark days.

The wait is over! Volume two of the trilogy, President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange is now available. Amazon is whining about me crashing their site, but the hell with them, I ain't in this for their health. You can also find volume one, President Evil as well. And fear not, work on volume three is just beginning.

Cross posted on

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