There are a lot of people I’d like to keep home on Election Day—about 74 million, by last count. But they have every right to tick a sad little box for a bloviating mound of venal earwax, no matter what I think about it.

I’ve also known my share of ignorant college students. I was one of them! I was all ready to vote for Ronald Reagan in 1984 … before I noticed that the line was prohibitively long, and so I went back to my dorm to watch He-Man and the Masters of the Universe instead—which, in retrospect, was a much better choice.

But, you know, secretaries of state who oversee statewide elections probably shouldn’t be decrying greater access to the ballot box—unless, of course, what they’re really trying to do is tip the scales in, erm, someone’s favor.

Like Mississippi Secretary of State Michael Watson.