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We've now reached the 'Ricky Schroder harassing Costco employees' phase of the pandemic

3 min read

I’m not sure if this is an indication that the COVID pandemic is winding down or that civilization is. It might be both, honestly, but that’s not for me to decide.

Ricky Schroder first came to prominence as the kid on Silver Spoons. I tuned in once, because I just assumed it was a show about preadolescent children and their drug paraphernalia. Instead, it was about a snotty kid with a far-too-elaborate train set. Or something like that. It was the mid-’80s, and if my logbooks are accurate, I spent most of that time getting ferociously high while sending an increasingly prurient series of Western Union telegrams to Phyllis Schlafly.

Schroder later went by “Rick” and starred in shows like NYPD Blue. His last TV credit was from 2016 (a Dolly Parton Christmas special) and his last movie credit came in 2010. Until this morning, that is, when this showed up on his Wikipedia profile:

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It says, “Angry and dumb white man refused from shopping at COSTCO for not wearing a mask.”

Of course, as you can see in the following clip, he now just goes by “dick.”

So as you can see in the embedded video, Schroder argues with a Costco employee about whether Costco is allowing people without masks to shop in their store. Schroder, who presumably doesn’t work at Costco, believes he knows Costco’s rules better than a Costco employee.

Schroder—who, let’s not forget, also helped bail out accused Kenosha murderer Kyle Rittenhouse—then demands, and presumably gets, a refund. He also suggests “everyone in California” solicit a refund from Costco “until this rule is lifted.”

But here was my favorite part:

SCHRODER: “If they grant us that, our kings, the people in power, you’re going to listen to these people? They’ve destroyed our economy, they’re destroying our culture, they’re destroying our state, and you’re just going to listen to their rules.”

Someone please explain this to me. What’s so fucking hard about wearing a mask in a store? I’ll never understand this as long as I live. It’s a small piece of cloth that can be slightly uncomfortable or inconvenient at times. If you want to adorn your mask with a MAGA message or a pair of TruckNutz or whatever, that’s up to you. So long as you’re not spritzing all over me in front of the 6-pound jar of olive tapenade.

You know, I thought when the revolution came it would be over voting rights or something more fundamental to our democracy. Instead, Republicans have decided to die on this hill—of corpses.

Rick Schroder started out life with big advantages. Now he’s, like, halfway to Kirk Cameron. And, no, that’s not a good thing.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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