During the 2012 Republican National Convention, the GOP hit on a novel strategy for winning over voters. Because their presumptive nominee was the warm-blooded vertebrate equivalent of low-sodium pretzels and day-old O’Doul’s backwash, party leaders decided a good way to rouse their base was to lie their asses off about Barack Obama.
After “I Have Binders Full of Women!” and “George W. Bush? Who’s That?” didn’t score as well in focus groups as they’d hoped, they settled on “We Built It!” as the theme for their convention. It was a call to arms based on a Barack Obama quote that had been wrenched out of context, intentionally misrepresented, infused with rancid nougat at Slugworth’s chocolate factory, and luged down the throats of an unsuspecting populace.
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.