We definitely shouldn't keep this #MoscowMitch thing going until he bakes to death inside his shell

I’ve seen numerous recent reports saying that Mitch McConnell is really, really upset about his brand-new hashtag #MoscowMitch.

It’s a disgrace what we’re doing, because Mitch McConnell loves America — or at least the parts that make him rich and famous. Famous enough to be worthy of his very own hashtag … #MoscowMitch.

I mean, imagine if we repeated this calumny (i.e., #MoscowMitch) in every Facebook post, tweet, Instagram post, blog post, or Daily Kos diary that’s even tangentially related to #MoscowMitch until this patriot breathes his last ephemeral breath (most likely while choking to death on Vladimir Putin’s glorious fur-hatted schwanzstucker, but that’s not important right now).

Like, suppose you’re in Maui and you see a sea turtle. You might be tempted to post a photo and add the hashtags #Maui, #vacay, #turtle, #MoscowMitch, #MaiTais, #IslandLiving. What I’m saying is, that would be wrong.

So just stop.

Or suppose you’re drinking a Moscow mule on your back patio and want to tweet about it. That could easily autocorrect to #MoscowMitch, and you might not catch it for days, weeks, or even years. That’s the kind of thing that happens now. So be very careful.



Seriously, this could stick to him forever. He wants to be remembered for stealing Supreme Court seats and opposing everything President Obama tried to do to help our country, even in the throes of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. So it’s totally unfair that he should be tarred with this particular brush.

So please don’t do it. Because it makes #MoscowMitch really, really sad.

I mean, suppose we kept irresponsibly using the hashtag #MoscowMitch and it continued to trend all the way through November 2020 — or even beyond? How embarrassing would that be?

So enough. If you want a frail old scrotum of a man with haphazardly pasted-on googly eyes to die in disgrace after losing not only his position as Senate majority leader but his Senate seat as well, fine. Just keep it up.

Not me. I have some compassion. 

Unlike you, apparently.

So play nice now.

#MoscowMitch will thank you. And so will America.

Or Russia.

One of those two.

I so often get them confused these days.

Is Trump still singeing your sphincter? Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the salve you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And you can get them for less than the price of a cup of coffee … or a black-market Xanax … or five minutes of therapy. It’s time to heal, my friends. Buy now!