If you sleep on Mike Lindell even for a moment, you miss barrels and barrels of bonkers. And if you sleep on one of his pillows, you may just stay awake long enough to hallucinate technicolor election conspiracies like they’re bedazzled DMT machine elves. But I doubt you’d ever get non compos mentis enough to concoct what Pillow Man just whipped up in the Mike Lindell Con Confectionary and BatshitWerks.

Pillow Man recently let slip that he’s spent $25 million of his mediocre-bedding fortune trying to prove that Donald Trump actually won the election that every election expert and marginally functional human brain stem knows he lost. I can only assume $12 million of that went to monkeys and $12 million to typewriters, with the remainder covering per diems to keep Lindell sentient and sufficiently deluded for an eternity or more. Because now his nonsense is so deep down the rabbit hole even Steve Bannon sees naught but fluffy, feckless, circle-jerking rabbits.

In a recent appearance on Bannon’s War Room, Lindell floated a new conspiracy theory: Fox is so diabolical they conspired against themselves to ensure that a judge rule in Dominion’s favor in the voting-machine company’s $1.6 billion lawsuit against the network. 

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