I suppose this is the 2019 equivalent of endlessly gawking at fabric swatches.

Donald Trump — party planner.

Apparently, Donald Trump has oafishly clambered into the planning process for our nation’s annual Fourth of July celebration, and — holy shit! — he’s making it all about himself. Who could have seen that coming?

The Washington Post:

President Trump has effectively taken charge of the nation’s premier Fourth of July celebration in Washington, moving the gargantuan fireworks display from its usual spot on the Mall to be closer to the Potomac River and making tentative plans to address the nation from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, according to top administration officials.

The president’s starring role has the potential to turn what has long been a nonpartisan celebration of the nation’s founding into another version of a Trump campaign rally. Officials said it is unclear how much the changes may cost, but the plans have already raised alarms among city officials and some lawmakers about the potential impact of such major alterations to a time-honored and well-organized summer tradition.

Oh, great. He’s going to speak! That’s awesome, because the fireworks will seem like an ASMR session after Trump’s howler-monkey-fighting-its-way-out-of-a-wood-chipper voice is done braying about his Electoral College map.

Let’s make a drinking game out of it. The first time he shrieks “no collusion!” you have to take a shot of tequila. The second time, you have to pour molten pig iron into your grateful earholes.

Is there nothing this human shit midden won’t ruin?

The revised Independence Day celebration is the culmination of two years of attempts by Trump to create a major patriotic event centered on him and his supporters, including failed efforts to mount a military parade modeled on the Bastille Day celebration in France. The new event has become a top priority for new Interior Secretary David Bernhardt, who Trump tasked with the job three months ago, officials said.

Well, if this means he’ll be too busy calling bouncy castle distributors to invade Iran, I’m all for it. But, honestly, it feels a little like giving Damien a jar full of ants to torture so he won’t start Armageddon.

Hey, whatever works.

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