Tucker Carlson: When women make more than men, everything goes to hell

Oh, Tucker.

Turns out women’s 70 cents on the dollar (or whatever the latest figure might be) is just way, way too much. Because when women make more money than men, it upsets the cosmos’ natural order, and men resort to huffing paint thinner and obsessively watching first-season reruns of Saved by the Bell. Or something.

Try to follow his logic. I dare you.

From yesterday’s Tucker Carlson Tonight, via Media Matters, in a segment called “Men in America”:

TUCKER CARLSON (HOST): Male wages declined. Manufacturing, a male-dominated industry all but disappeared over the course of a generation. All that remained in many places were the schools and the hospitals, and both of them are traditional employers of women.

In many areas, women suddenly made more than men.

Now, before you applaud that as a victory for feminism, consider some of the effects.

Study after study has shown that when men make less than women, women generally don't want to marry them. Maybe they should want to marry them, but they don't. Over big populations this causes a drop in marriage, a spike in out-of-wedlock births and all the familiar disasters that inevitably follow.

More drug and alcohol abuse, higher incarceration rates, fewer families formed in the next generation. This is not speculation, it's not propaganda from the evangelicals. It's social science. We know it's true. Rich people know it best of all, that's why they get married before they have kids. That model works.

Tough shit, Sally Draper. If you can’t compete financially with women … or people of color … or immigrants … hey, that’s on you. What ever happened to the party of personal responsibility?

Are you saying cutthroat capitalism is God’s sacred plan for us until you start to lose? That’s convenient.



Women have more options these days, and that’s a good thing. One of those options is not to marry assholes. And it likely has nothing to do with how much money they make. Turns out money has been an asshole deodorant for millennia, but it can’t cover up the stench forever.

The only people who can’t cope with this brave new world? Assholes, of course.

(By the way, crime rates have plummeted since all these supposedly overinflated women’s salaries started destroying men’s fragile lives, so you don’t even know what you’re talking about. Do you?)

***

Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.

****

But wait, there’s more! The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is also available at Amazon! You can get two great political humor ebooks for less than the price of the coffee you’ll be spitting out on your tablet when you read them!