Donald Trump thinks that somehow the results of a rigged impeachment trial with no witnesses and a foregone conclusion amount to an “exoneration.”

But the viewing public hasn’t exonerated him. They conspired with the FAKE NEWS media to make his third State of the Union address a crushing ratings disappointment.

Early returns indicate Trump’s latest SOTU garnered 33.7 million combined viewers on Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, CBS and Fox, compared with last year’s mark of 42.2 million. That’s a drop of 20 percent — roughly equalling the precipitous, ineluctable descent of his adipose-laden moobs from this time last year. (I’m not even quite sure what that means, but let’s just go with it.)

Looks like unchallenged lies and blatant gaslighting aren’t quite the draw that they used to be.

Fox News led the charge, accounting for 11.5 million of those viewers. The rest of us were apparently busy beta-testing staple guns on our corneas and duct-taping syphilitic armadillos to our exposed genitals.

Of course, if you have a longer memory than the MAGAs of the world, you’ll recall that Trump has lied about his SOTU ratings in the past:


Erp, no.

Not even close.

Bill Clinton’s 1993 State of the Union address drew 66.9 million viewers. And this was when we were just a humble republic, not a budding empire with a brand-spankin’-new tinpot dictator.

I’ll wager more people saw Nancy Pelosi rip up Trump’s horse apple of a speech than saw the actual speech.

But no one tell Trump this. He’s fragile. Very fragile.

Is Trump’s disgusting, tumescent blob of a head getting you down? Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing can help! Find it at Amazon, along with its sequels, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief.

  • February 6, 2020