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Trump: Whistleblowers should only be protected if Trump thinks they're legitimate

2 min read

Don’t be too hard on Trump. I’d be pissed, too, if I thought I were emperor of America and they kept throwing checks and balances in my face left and right.

This one is, to use a common Trump term, a beauty:


Now there’s a great precedent. If you blow whistles at people the president approves of, you’ll be fine. If you cross the president, and the president thinks you’re illegitimate (which he will because, I mean, come on), well … what size cement shoes do you take? 11? We want you to be as comfortable as possible while we murder you.

Seriously, he’s sounding more and more like Al Capone every day. 

The real reason Trump hates De Niro — De Niro looked much cooler as a mob boss than Trump ever has.

I suppose you could apply the same reasoning to every mob trial ever. We’ll put you in the witness protection program, and you’ll 100 percent be protected, but only if the defendant deems you “legitimate.” So make sure you are, man!

How long before Trump literally melts down into a puddle of creamsicle rind and rage tears? Because I’d kind of like to get my life back.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear Fcking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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