To a Trump supporter, being “tough” apparently means never being afraid to commit flagrant war crimes.
The same guy who reportedly asked a nuclear weapons expert why we aren’t using our nukes to blow up other countries has also frequently wondered aloud why we didn’t steal Iraq’s oil after we invaded the country in 2003.
The answer — because we’re not 9th century Viking marauders, you dumb fuck — should be obvious to anyone who’s ever cracked open a history text. But Li’l Donny is the kind of kid who tries to do book reports without ever having read the book. (Which probably makes for an awkward moment or two whenever he’s asked about The Art of the Deal.)
Also, we went into Iraq to get rid of their nonexistent WMDs, not pillage the country. Pay attention to your daily intelligence briefings, you blotchy baboon taint.
So it’s both alarming and, well, not unexpected to discover that Trump has kept up with his quixotic quest to steal the natural resources of the countries we’re, at least in theory, trying to help.
President Trump twice raised to the Iraqi prime minister the idea of repaying America for its wars with Iraqi oil, a highly controversial ask that runs afoul of international norms and logic, according to sources with direct knowledge.
Trump appears to have finally given up on this idea, but until now it hasn't been revealed that as president he's raised the concept twice with Iraq's prime minister and brought it up separately in the Situation Room with his national security team.
In March last year, at the end of a White House meeting with Iraq's then-Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi, Trump brought up the subject of taking oil from Iraq to reimburse the United States for the costs of the war there.
- “It was a very run-of-the-mill, low-key, meeting in general,” a source who was in the room told Axios. “And then right at the end, Trump says something to the effect of, he gets a little smirk on his face and he says, 'So what are we going to do about the oil?'”
This is so, so Trump. Everything we do has to have a payoff — or we’re being ruthlessly exploited. He probably thought Tiny Tim was laughing at Ebenezer Scrooge at the end of A Christmas Carol. And probably faking his limp, too.
Needless to say, Trump’s advisers were rightly horrified about the pr*sident’s unworkable and illegal scheme:
It's not a one-time thing. Two sources described being in the Situation Room in 2017 with Trump, Defense Secretary Mattis and national security officials discussing Iraq. Both said Trump brought up the prospect of seizing Iraq's oil, and Mattis pushed back.
- “Trump was like, 'We're idiots,'” recalled one of the sources who was in the Situation Room for the conversation. “[Trump] was like, 'What are we doing there, what do we get out of this, why don't we take the oil?'… And then Mattis spoke up. Made the same point that H.R. [McMaster] made. There's no physical way to do it. It would be a violation of international law, it would be demoralizing for allies in the region, it would give our enemies propaganda — they'd be able to accuse us of theft.”
This isn’t a game of Risk, Li’l Donny. It’s the real world. Unfortunately, we have a fake president … for the time being, anyway.
Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.
But wait, there’s more! The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is also available at Amazon! You can get two great political humor ebooks for less than the price of the coffee you’ll be spitting out on your tablet when you read them!
The Politicus is a collaborative political community that facilitates content creation directly on the site. Our goal is to make the political conversation accessible to everyone.Any donations we receive will go into writer outreach. That could be advertising on Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit or person-to-person outreach on College campuses. Please help if you can: