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Trump touts the 'positive impact' of coronavirus on shopping

2 min read

Leave it to Donald Trump to find a silver lining that simply isn’t there.

During a COVID-19 briefing with airline CEOs yesterday, this bit of word-vomit disgorged from the tumescent noggin of our collective bath salts hallucination:

TRUMP: “In a certain way, you could say that the borders are automatically shut down, without having to say ‘shut down.’ I mean, they’re, to a certain extent, automatically shut down. But it’s affecting the airline business, as it would. And a lot of people are staying in our country, and they’re shopping and using our hotels in this country. So, from that standpoint, I think, probably, there’s a positive impact. But there’s also an impact on overseas travel, which will be fairly substantial.”

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No, there really isn’t a positive impact. 1) People are dying, so this is kind of an awful thing to say to begin with and, 2) people aren’t deciding between going to Tuscany or Dave & Buster’s. THEY’RE STAYING THE FUCK HOME, YOU PHOSPHORESCENT PHALLUS!

I know Trump wants to put a positive spin on this crisis as the stock market shrinks faster than his pupils during an Adderall embargo, but we kind of need an even-keeled approach from our leaders. This doesn’t help, dude.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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