Apparently, Donald Trump can’t conceive of a running mate who isn’t the quasi-vertebrate equivalent of premasticated Cream of Wheat. Four years ago, Trump chose Mike Pence, who’s basically invisible when he’s not conspicuously smooching Trump’s ass. And being the sick, sick little man he is, Trump thought Joe Biden was just as craven and megalomaniacal as he is.

So, yeah, he thought Biden would pick California congresswoman Karen Bass because of her “low national profile.”

From the redoubtable Gabriel Sherman at Vanity Fair:

Donald Trump didn’t expect Joe Biden to pick Kamala Harris as his running mate. “He thought Biden would choose Karen Bass,” a Republican briefed on Trump’s thinking said. Trump’s view, according to sources close to the White House, was that Biden would prefer a candidate with Bass’s low national profile and one who wouldn’t outshine him. Trump was also hopeful that Bass, a California congresswoman, would join the ticket given her record of making positive comments about the late Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. “Trump thought Bass would help him with the Cubans in Florida,” the source said.

But while one might expect the Harris pick to have turned Trump’s Underoos 50 shades of brown, the Abominable Showman is apparently “optimistic” about his chances. 

At his press briefing on Tuesday, Trump called Harris “nasty,” a preview of the misogynist playbook he’s likely to follow in the months ahead. According to sources who have spoken with Trump, his view of the race is increasingly optimistic. Sources said he’s been pleased so far with new campaign manager Bill Stepien and senior strategist Jason Miller, and sees the numbers in swing states improving. “Trump thinks the polls are tightening,” a Republican close to the campaign told me.

One reason for Trump’s optimism may be that he’s living in a right-wing-media bubble where Biden is presented as a cartoon of a doddering old man controlled by antifa, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez—and now Harris. (“Slow Joe” and “Phony Kamala” is how the campaign is already framing the pair.) “Trump keeps asking people, when are voters going to realize Biden is mentally out to lunch?” a Republican briefed on the conversations told me. “But he’s only seeing clips of Biden screwing up.”

“Trump keeps asking people, when are voters going to realize Biden is mentally out to lunch?” is, well, just precious. Apparently right around the time Trump realizes that he himself is out to lunch. In other words, never. 

It still boggles my mind that the tack Republicans have settled on is to portray the Democratic nominee as senile. That strategy might play in Peoria, but it’s unlikely to win over the Yo-Semites or anyone of Thigh descent.

And of course Trump is calling Harris “nasty.” Any woman who challenges him in any way is nasty. Imagine how nasty she’s going to look to him on election night. I can’t wait. 

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!