Remember when Gerald Ford took all the credit for America’s bicentennial? No, of course not. He just stumbled down staircases every once in a while. Man, I miss those days.

While signing the Women’s Suffrage Centennial Commemorative Coin Act yesterday, Donald Trump wondered why it hadn’t been done before. I’ll let you figure that one out on your own. And since you’re not Donald Trump, it should be easy.

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“I’m curious why wasn’t it done a long time ago? And also — well, I guess the answer to that is because now I’m president. We get things done. We get a lot of things done that nobody else got done.”

This is horrifying, but I do enjoy the irony of Donald Trump celebrating all the women voters who are going to come out in droves to vote against his disgusting bloated self next year.

If I were president, I’d issue a special coin just to commemorate that.

Does Trump make you want to delete your brain? Of course he does! But don’t do it until you’ve read Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear Fcking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” diversions from our temporary hell on Earth. Don’t delay. Click those links, yo!