Grampa Rage Diapers was in fine fettle today. His conspiracy antennae were tumescent with a throbbing, otherworldly sixth sense, leading him to wonder why on earth anyone would want millions of COVID-19 tests unless it was all part of some elaborate plot to keep him from being pr*sident. (second tweet)

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TRUMP: “Testing’s a big word. Remember, it was all ventilators, and the reason it was all ventilators, they said, ‘There’s no way he’ll ever be able to catch this one.’ And not only did we catch it, we are now the king of ventilators all over the world. We can send them anywhere, we have thousands being made a week, and they’re very high quality. And that wasn’t playing well, so then they said, ‘Testing, testing. Oh, we’ll get him on testing.’ Well, testing is much easier than ventilators. Ventilators are big machines that are very complex and are very expensive. You need real, real, you need a group of people that really know what they’re doing. We took auto lines, we took a lot of different people, and now we’ve done that. But it used to be ventilators, ventilators, ventilators, now it’s testing, testing, testing.”

  1. “Testing” is decidedly not a big word.
  2. This guy is a sick, sick fuck, yo.
  3. Yes, everything is about Donald Trump. Governors don’t want to protect their constituents by making sure they have enough ventilators in the event of a worst-case scenario. Oh, no. It’s all about making Donald Trump look bad. That’s why some hospitals were putting two patients at a time on a single ventilator. In fact, governors were so looking forward to Donald Trump not supplying enough ventilators that they were planning to Human Centipede dozens of them to just one ventilator, then stick a Chinese-made Trump 2020 flag in the ass of the unlucky COVID-19 caboose. Because that would have made Trump look really bad.
  4. Every credible health expert on Planet Earth is saying we need to ramp up testing by a factor of a fuck-ton before we can even start to think about reopening the economy. But Trump knows better than they do. Obviously, the demand for testing is all about crashing the economy so Trump has nothing to run on except for virulent racism and that time he took a NASCAR lap in a limo.

Seriously, though. How crazy is it that the actual president of the United States is at war with our states during a killer pandemic? Why? How? How has he not been removed? Why are we allowing this cancer to metastasize during a once-in-a-lifetime crisis?

It will boggle my wee little mind until the day I die.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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