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Trump slams George W. Bush for pleading for national unity now instead of during impeachment

George W. Bush — who, for the record, was the presidential equivalent of getting gored to death in the asshole by a Eurasian moose — was nevertheless a human being with what appeared to be a full range of human emotions. Donald Trump, on the other hand, is an irritated bile duct in a shitty suit.

So naturally when Bush called for putting aside partisanship in the face of the COVID-19 crisis, Trump saw it as a personal affront.

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BUSH: “Finally, let us remember how small our differences are in the face of this shared threat. In the final analysis, we are not partisan combatants. We are human beings, equally vulnerable and equally wonderful in the sight of God. We rise and fall together, and we are determined to rise.”

Gee, that seemed almost … what’s the word? … “presidential.” One might even say “human.”

Meanwhile, in The Road Warrior prequel …

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So in Trump’s mind, 67,000 American deaths and counting = one criminal’s bruised ego.

Yes, why didn’t everyone rally behind Donald Trump’s scheme to extort a foreign power so he could crush his enemies? You really dropped the ball, America. 

Also, it’s “by the way,” not “bye the way,” Donny. 

Reading your tweets hurts my eyes more than staring at your lying face.

How’s that for unity?

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.