Trump says his faith helped him survive Mueller probe. No, seriously


Get ready to vomit up a lifetime supply of Nilla Wafers.


President Donald Trump said Thursday he leaned on one thing to get through special counsel Robert Mueller's probe of Russian interference in the 2016 election: his faith.

“People say, ‘How do you get through that whole stuff? How do you go through those witch hunts and everything else?’” Trump said at the White House during a National Day of Prayer service.

He looked over to Vice President Mike Pence and shrugged.

“We just do it, right?” the president continued. “And we think about God.”

Well, I suppose he can’t sleep with porn stars anymore while under the klieg lights of the American media, so he has to relieve his stress somehow. But my guess would have been beer-bonging biscuits and gravy until his left ventricle looked like a Carl’s Jr. grease trap. But, no, now we have to imagine something even more gross: i.e., the most venal, corrupt asshole in the world thinks God is listening to him.

Seriously, there’s only so much Cronenberg-level unreality I can take.

“Trump’s an asshole, this I know, ‘cause Two Corinthians tells me so.”

FFS, impeach this prick already.

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  • May 2, 2019