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Trump says his faith helped him survive Mueller probe. No, seriously

Get ready to vomit up a lifetime supply of Nilla Wafers.

Politico:

President Donald Trump said Thursday he leaned on one thing to get through special counsel Robert Mueller's probe of Russian interference in the 2016 election: his faith.

“People say, ‘How do you get through that whole stuff? How do you go through those witch hunts and everything else?’” Trump said at the White House during a National Day of Prayer service.

He looked over to Vice President Mike Pence and shrugged.

“We just do it, right?” the president continued. “And we think about God.”

Well, I suppose he can’t sleep with porn stars anymore while under the klieg lights of the American media, so he has to relieve his stress somehow. But my guess would have been beer-bonging biscuits and gravy until his left ventricle looked like a Carl’s Jr. grease trap. But, no, now we have to imagine something even more gross: i.e., the most venal, corrupt asshole in the world thinks God is listening to him.

Seriously, there’s only so much Cronenberg-level unreality I can take.

“Trump’s an asshole, this I know, ‘cause Two Corinthians tells me so.”

FFS, impeach this prick already.

Fabulous!” “Hysterically funny!” “Cathartic!” These are just a few of the many accolades from readers of Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump. And now, the long-awaited sequel is here! Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the digital press and available as a $2.99 download from Amazon. Buy there, or be square. (And while you’re doing that, grab yourself a copy of The Fierce, Fabulous [and Mostly Fictional] Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President, also from AJP.)

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