Yes, thank heavens the lifelong racist who wanted to murder the Central Park Five is on the job. (Okay, he probably wasn’t racist as an infant or toddler. Then again, who knows? Many people are saying he was. Many, many people. That’s what I heard, anyway.)



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TRUMP: “Americans are good and virtuous people. We have to work together to confront bigotry and prejudice wherever they appear, but we’ll make no progress and heal no wounds by falsely labeling tens of millions of decent Americans as racists or bigots. We have to get everybody together. We have to be on the same path. … If we don’t do that we have problems. And we’ll do that. We’ll do it. I think we’re going to do it very easily, and it will go quickly and it’ll go very easily.”

“Very easily” and “quickly.”

Where Harriet Tubman, Abraham Lincoln, Sojourner Truth, Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Barack Obama, and the immortal Frederick Douglass fell short, Donald Trump will succeed. And it will be a doddle. In fact, you’re gonna get tired of all the racial harmony. 

Why? Because none of the people listed above had Jared Kushner on retainer. Can you imagine if they had? We could have avoided all of this unpleasantness.

So why did anyone ever think systemic racism was difficult to eliminate? We’ll have this all turned around by next Saturday afternoon. Not the coming Saturday, of course. Don’t be greedy. Donald Trump is only human. Or presumably so, anyway.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

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