The Politicus

Trump reportedly refused to meet with Matt Gaetz in wake of scandal

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I’ve watched a lot of mob movies, so I know it’s a really bad sign when the boss refuses to see you. (Question: If a Trump capo leaves a gross giant horse head in Gaetz’s bed, how long will his fiancée canoodle with it before she realizes it’s not Matt?)

In case you somehow haven’t heard, Florida congressman and faithful Trump toady Matt Gaetz is in a bit of a pickle after spending a bit too much time and energy following the counsel of his sour gherkin, and now our former pr*sident has apparently tossed him into the coffee boy black hole. And as everyone knows, once you’ve crossed that event horizon, there’s no turning back.

I haven’t been this depressed about a public split since Randy Quaid broke with consensus reality.