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Trump is already telegraphing his attempted coup

3 min read

My hope is that victory is so risibly out of reach for the odious squash rind on election night that he dissolves into a cloud of individual carbon atoms and deep-seated shame, but that’s not his plan.

He’s going to loudly declare victory if the count is anywhere near close for him. Because cheating at life and blowing smoke up the country’s ass are all he knows.


President Trump has told confidants he'll declare victory on Tuesday night if it looks like he's “ahead,” according to three sources familiar with his private comments.

  • That's even if the Electoral College outcome still hinges on large numbers of uncounted votes in key states like Pennsylvania.

No surprise there. The only surprise would be if he concedes on election night — or fucking ever, honestly.

Behind the scenes: Trump has privately talked through this scenario in some detail in the last few weeks, describing plans to walk up to a podium on election night and declare he has won.

  • For this to happen, his allies expect he would need to either win or have commanding leads in Ohio, Florida, North Carolina, Texas, Iowa, Arizona and Georgia.

Okay, well — good luck with that

I’m pissed about a lot of things that have happened over the past four years, but few outrages top this: We have to win in a rout to actually win. Because Trump will almost certainly cheat — and he’ll pull every lever at his disposal to do so.

And since he’s conditioned his mewling minions to believe no one except Donald John Trump, he could plunge our country into (even more) chaos.

Details: Many prognosticators say that on election night, Trump will likely appear ahead in Pennsylvania — though the state's final outcome could change substantially as mail-in ballots are counted over the following days.

  • Trump's team is preparing to claim baselessly that if that process changes the outcome in Pennsylvania from the picture on election night, then Democrats would have “stolen” the election.

So, yes, I’m super pissed that instead of shaking off the sativa residue and IPA fog on the morning of November 4, I might have to take to the streets to defend our democracy. But, well, Trump is Trump, so we have to plan for that possibility.

Here’s a good primer on what to do if it comes down to that.

We will win — whether we do it the easy way (a Biden landslide) or the hard way (a “Trump landslide” — which is just another term for an embarrassing Trump loss).

Let’s be ready — to celebrate and to defend our democracy.

Two days till D-D-Day (Dump Donald Day). Can you dig it?

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo! 

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