Trump has been impotently hate-watching Fauci, frustrated that he can't respond on Twitter

Since the Great and Powerful Ooze hopped in his hot air balloon and flew back to Mar-a-Lago without Dorothy and Toto, I’ve seen neither hide nor hair of him.

It’s like a roly-poly raccoon has been loose in the walls for the past four years and someone finally let him out. We can all wake up refreshed now without wondering what the raccoon got into last night. And we hope to God he doesn’t crawl back into the basement in another four years.

And while I hate to see dumb animals suffer, Donald Trump is the kind of pest who invites continued mockery.

So we mock.

As he fumes.

In the past several days, Dr. Anthony Fauci, a brilliant man whom Trump continually treated like his little buddy Gilligan, has been making the media rounds expressing relief that he no longer has to kowtow to the benighted whims of a dyspeptic sea lion who somehow got loose in a Cheetos factory. And, oh gee, the sea lion has noticed. 

The Daily Beast:

Fauci’s re-emergence on prime-time television during the Biden era infuriated the exiled Trump, who began whining about how “incompetent” the doctor was, and how he probably should have fired Fauci when he had the chance, a source close to the former president and another individual familiar with the matter tell The Daily Beast. (Technically, Trump did not have the power to fire Fauci, a career federal employee.)

On top of everything else that was stripped from him, he’s lost his primary emotional release valve, thanks to his post-Capitol riot banning from Twitter, just as his enemies—real and perceived—keep dancing atop his administration’s freshly dug grave.

Did someone say dancing? Oh, yes. There be dancing …

And it’s not just Fauci. Trump has also griped this weekend about not being able to tweet about the Biden team telling journalists that Trump and ex-officials had left them with a gigantic COVID mess to mop up, according to a person with direct knowledge of his recent ramblings.

I love how some in the media have given up the pretense that anything Trump says goes beyond rambling. “Trump rambled” was the correct way to attribute quotations all along. They should have switched over years ago.

“After a TV interview or a story in a major newspaper, someone senior, like Mark Meadows, would call me up expressing concern that I was going out of my way to contradict the president,” the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases told The New York Times in an interview published Sunday. “There were a couple of times where I would make a statement that was a pessimistic viewpoint about what direction we were going, and the president would call me up and say, ‘Hey, why aren’t you more positive? You’ve got to take a positive attitude. Why are you so negativistic? Be more positive.’”

If you read Mary Trump’s book, you know how much Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking influenced family patriarch Fred Trump and, by extension, Donald.

And Trump’s own philosophy, The Power of Magical, Dumbassed Daydreaming (Or, How to Singlehandedly Create a Hydroxychloroquine Shortage Without Really Trying), is the bastard child of Peale’s credo. Unfortunately, neither philosophy dovetailed well with sound pandemic mitigation strategies.

Anyway, I’m glad to see Dr. Fauci is so relieved and happy these days. He looks like he just lost 350 pounds.

In other words, Dr. Fauci is all of us. And that’s just fine with me.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the righteous mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!

  • January 26, 2021
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