I have to admit, I always forget about my War on Christmas obligations — which include buying the “Fuck Christmas!” cookies and hanging mistletoe over the latest amalgam of carbon atoms and flop sweat passing itself off as Rudy Giuliani — until I’m reminded about the importance of the season by conservatives.
The truth is, I like Christmas, even though I’m no longer a Christian and never will be again. What’s not to like? Bright lights, jaunty tunes, and an entire day off to do nothing but smoke weed and eat pfeffernüsse and kringle. That’s a far out holiday, man.
But we’re continually reminded that liberals hate Christmas with an unaccountable Grinch-like furor. Nah. We just think Christmas displays should be confined to the billions of acres where they're welcomed and allowed and not shoehorned onto the far smaller portion of the Earth that’s publicly owned. What’s so hard about that?
Oh, and we’re told that any business that substitutes anodyne pabulum like “happy holidays” for the traditional super-Jesusy greeting “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” should be boycotted and shamed.
So, yeah, about that …
Yeah, that’s embarrassing.
Twitter was puzzled, to say the least:
Almost makes one think the whole “you can say ‘Merry Christmas’ again” shtick was pure bullshit. But that would be an awful thing to think in this season of love and forgiveness, now wouldn’t it?
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