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Trump claims he would have won California and New York were it not for voter fraud

So here’s Donald Trump in Louisiana last night undermining public faith in our elections, self-aggrandizing like only a dictator can, and (for the umpteenth time) deliberately overlooking the fact that trees, dirt, and garden slugs don’t vote. (Though if they did, Trump might win every election in a landslide.)

(Second tweet) 

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“They’ll be calling me from Nebraska, they’ll be calling me from Iowa, they’ll be calling me from that beautiful midsection which was so beautiful bright red. You know, you had a little blue on the edges. And if there was honest voting, I really think I would have won that, too. But there’s not, there’s not. Whatever they tell you, there’s not.” [Big cheers from the rabble.]

Yeah, sure. Trump lost California by nearly 4.2 million votes. That’s a lot of fedoras, sunglasses, and fake mustaches. For some reason, I’m skeptical.

During the same speech, he also re-upped his wackadoo claim that you need a photo ID to buy Funyuns. 

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— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) October 12, 2019

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I mean, come on. I’ve been in convenience stores late at night where, not only do you not need an ID, you barely need to be wearing pants. They just want your money, and they’ll load you up with as many pallets of cheese fries and Little Debbie gut bombs as your heart desires. As long as that heart seizes up after you’ve safely cleared the parking lot, they really don’t give a shit.

RELATED  Distant Replay

But, hey, let’s pretend anyway — even though everyone sitting in that audience and watching at home knows this is utter bullshit coming from a man who’s spent more time in porn stars than in supermarkets.

But everyone expects him to lie now. Even his supporters. They just don’t care.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear Fcking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.


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