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Trump claims Dems are impeaching him because all our candidates are garbage

It’s hard for me not to picture him shuffling around the White House at night with Kleenex boxes on his feet, shouting guacamole recipes at Nixon’s ghost. Especially when he says stuff like this:

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An illegal impeachment? Um. I don’t think that’s even possible, is it? 

And, yeah, I’d say most of those candidates could become president. I’d be willing to wager one of them will.

And then Trump trotted out one of his favorite made-up talking points:

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… says the guy who’s antagonized all our trading partners and for some reason once called his national security adviser to find out what a strong dollar means for the economy

Hey, the economy very well could crash after Trump leaves — if it doesn’t crash before then. It’s already slowed down considerably thanks to his Midas touch. But if it does crash, it won’t be because a Democrat is in charge. It will be thanks to all the landmines he’s planted over the past three years.

Also, dude — just because you looked up one fact about the Great Depression doesn’t mean you should slip it into your blithering tweets like you actually know something. No one is impressed.

Melania, come pick up your husband. He’s shit himself again.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear Fcking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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