Trump attempts an international COVID comparison; it doesn't go well

If you’ve ever seen a recently landed fish flopping around in the bottom of a boat desperately trying to get back to familiar waters, you’ll be prepared for this.

Donald Trump wants this election to be about racism, fear of foreigners, white grievance, transphobia, the brutal repression of “anarchists,” and anything else in his wheelhouse. He definitely doesn’t want it to be about COVID-19, because addressing the pandemic requires faithfully doing his job and demonstrating compassion — two things he’s never understood. 

So you get flailing attempts to change the subject like, well, this:

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Unfortunately for Trump, there’s essentially no time left to change the narrative. The U.S. has done a right shitty job of containing the coronavirus while smaller, poorer, and less technologically advanced countries are now — while maybe not quite out of the woods, at least not pinned under a giant redwood.

We’re No. 1!

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Try harder, Australia!

The U.S.’ population is roughly 13 times that of Australia. We had 58,429 new cases yesterday. In “State of Disaster” Australia, they had 377. Multiply 377 by 13 and you get 4901, which is — hmm, let me crunch the numbers again — quite a bit fewer than our total per capita. 

Here’s a theory. Maybe they declared a state of disaster in Victoria because they actually take this shit seriously. Meanwhile, Trump has just recently gotten around to occasionally wearing a mask in public — part of a “new tone” that he almost immediately gave up on in favor of making demon sperm famous for at least the sixth time in his life.

Barring some huge, unforeseen stroke of luck, Trump will forever be known as the world leader who fucked up his country’s pandemic response worse than just about anyone else — despite leading a nation that came into the crisis with huge technological and financial advantages.

Meanwhile, the “shithole” countries have done pretty well for themselves. Who could have ever predicted that? Other than anyone paying attention, that is.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!