Trump absurdly claims his coronavirus response saved billions of lives

Yup, without Donald Trump in the White House, this pandemic would have already wiped out a quarter of the world’s population. And if Hillary had been elected, the wrath of God would have turned everyone’s mouth into a sphincter overnight. And swarms of locusts would have flown up our bums. And dragons would be roaming the land breathing on our vast reserves of Jiffy Pop and eating them. And the deficit would be a googolplex dollars, because we’d have a lifelong public servant in charge instead of a hard-nosed businessman.

Don’t you feel fortunate now? (second tweet)

TRUMP: “Sixty-thousand or so, that’s a lot of people, but 100,000 was the minimum we thought that we could get to, and we will be lower than that number — anywhere from 100,[000] to 220,000 people. But I really believe it could have been billions of people had we not done what we did. We made a lot of good decisions, but it’s one of those things.”

Yup, 60,000 dead Americans is what he’s hanging his hat on now. Brilliant.

And all those “good decisions” made us No. 1 in the world in both coronavirus cases and deaths, despite our sizable advantages in technology and health infrastructure. It’s not quite as bad when you look at deaths per million population, but we’re also a standout there, with only 12 countries reporting worse outcomes

But, hey, that’s nitpicking. Our pr*sident has saved billions of lives. So …


Aren’t you glad we didn’t elect Hillary after all? I mean, it could have been a total disaster.


Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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