So the winner of the Kentucky Derby is a “junky” now, according to our clammy, languorous yam-in-exile. (I won’t link to the “statement,” but trust me; the actual ex-president of the United States used his new “cutting-edge” internet platform to ascribe antiquated notions of moral failing to a fucking horse.)
Medina Spirit, the horse who won the Kentucky Derby on May 1, just tested positive for a banned substance, prompting needlessly overworked-horse world to cast a jaundiced eye toward his trainer, Bob Baffert.
The controversy prompted Churchill Downs to indefinitely suspend Baffert and issue this statement: “Failure to comply with the rules and medication protocols jeopardizes the safety of the horses and jockeys, the integrity of our sport and the reputation of the Kentucky Derby and all who participate. Churchill Downs will not tolerate it.”
So you were caught drugging your horse. What to do? What to do? Oh, I know! Blame liberal “cancel culture”!
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.