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Top Republicans join the freakout over Mattis' departure

3 min read

Most Republicans have tried to ignore the fact that you’d get better decision-making in the Oval Office from a drunk tabby cat batting around a Magic 8-ball. They got their tax cuts, and they still hate Obama, so they’ve been only too happy to indulge the baby-handed lunatic running around the White House with a figurative loaded gun and a literal loaded diaper.*

But now that James Mattis, the proverbial last adult in the room, is gone, some GOPers are speaking up. And they’re just as freaked out as the rest of us.

After all, according to Bob Woodward’s Fear, Mattis is the guy who had to talk Trump out of moving an intelligence operation from South Korea, where it could detect a North Korean nuke launch in seven seconds, to Alaska, where it would do the same job in 15 minutes.

Who will be there now to keep him from making stupid decisions? Has he set up a 24-hour hotline to Brian Kilmeade?

If you read between the lines — and you don’t have to read between them much — Republicans are seeing a flashing-red danger sign when it comes to this move.

Axios has compiled some of their remarks:

  • Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.): General Mattis is a combination of intellect and integrity. He has been in the fight against radical Islam for decades and provided sound and ethical military advice to President Trump.”
  • House Speaker Paul Ryan: “The House is indebted to Secretary Mattis for his service. With our country’s defense in his hands, we have become a safer America at home, and a more commanding force abroad. His patriotism and grit are matched only by his humility and graciousness.”
  • Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.): Just read Gen. Mattis resignation letter. It makes it abundantly clear that we are headed towards a series of grave policy errors which will endanger our nation, damage our alliances and empower our adversaries.
  • Sen. Ben Sasse (R-Neb.): “This is a sad day. General Mattis was giving advice POTUS needs to hear. Mattis rightly believes that Russia [and] China are adversaries, and that we are at war with jihadists across the globe who plot to kill Americans. Isolationism is a weak strategy that will harm Americans.
  • Rep. Mike Rogers (R-Mich.) Secretary Mattis served his country with honor. His resignation is a loss to our country’s leadership.”

So here’s the solution, guys. When Trump trots out another dipshit loony (or loony dipshit?) for his cabinet — or tries to give the post to Betsy DeVos — you have to act! No more rubber stamps for the apocalypse. It will come soon enough without your help.

Please, please, please grow a spine. The fate of the world is actually in your hands.

*Maybe. Who knows? I heard. Many people are saying …


Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.


But wait, there’s more! The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is also available at Amazon! You can get two great political humor ebooks for less than the price of the coffee you’ll be spitting out on your tablet when you read them!

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