Listen, Tomi. My father put food on the table for a family of nine by working grueling, 18-hour shifts at the local star-spangled-leggings-with-gun-holsters-in-them factory, and now you’re taking food out of the mouths of young tots who only want the same shot at the American dream that I had.
America first! Unless it’s slightly inconvenient!
Right-wing something-or-other Tomi Lahren admitted today that her new “Freedom” athletic wear line isn’t made in America. But you’ll happy to know that Alexo, the company she’s partnering with, “aims” to be made in the U.S. Sort of like I “aimed” at ducks when my dad took me duck hunting as a teenager — which meant I shot at empty air and desperately hoped I didn’t accidentally hit anything duck-ish, duck-related, or duck-adjacent.
Meanwhile, you can buy her “star-spangled leggings, tops, and jackets” from Alexo Athletica, a “Second Amendment-friendly company that specializes in workout clothing with compartments for small weapons, like guns or tasers, inside the waistband.”
Because as everyone knows, it’s always a good idea to do heavy cardio workouts with a gun in your pants.
Unfortunately, you’ll be supporting another country’s economy while doing so. But … but … but … plenty of your money will be going into the pockets of a ragey, no-talent, 27-year-old homegrown American hypocrite!
So there’s that.
God bless America. And God bless Tomi Lahren.
And if you do buy any of Tomi’s A1 American swag, try not to shoot your dick off at your local Jazzercise.
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