Today's the day Trump announces his executively ordered Obamacare replacement! Get excited!

At least that’s what he promised two weeks ago when challenged by Fox News’ Chris Wallace over his attempts to scuttle the Affordable Care Act. And, as we all know, Trump always follows through and never, ever lies.

WALLACE: “I want to talk to you about Obamacare. Since the pandemic hit, millions of people have lost their jobs and thereby lost their health insurance, and almost a half a million have signed up for Obamacare. Your administration just announced that you’re signing onto a lawsuit to overturn Obamacare.”

TRUMP: “And replace it.”

WALLACE: “Why does it make sense to overturn Obamacare, which people now are relying on? Democrats are going to say, the man who’s wanted to kill Obamacare is going to take away the protection for preexisting conditions.”

TRUMP: “First of all, we got rid of the individual mandate. Preexisting conditions will always be taken care of by me and Republicans, 100 percent.”

WALLACE: “But you’ve been in office three and a half years; you don’t have a plan.”

TRUMP: “Excuse me, you heard me yesterday. We’re signing a health care plan within two weeks. A full and complete health care plan that the Supreme Court decision on DACA gave me the right to do. So we’re going to … sign an immigration plan, a health care plan, and various other plans, and nobody will have done what I’m doing in the next four weeks.”

Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve been given exclusive access to Trump’s comprehensive health care plan, which was cobbled together in rapid fashion by a crack team of something or other. Ready? (Never mind the cute puppy. It has little to nothing to do with Trump’s actual plan.)

There. Don’t you feel better now?

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!