In this image from video, Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, walks to check in for his flight back to the U.S., at Cancun International Airport in Cancun, Mexico, Thursday, Feb. 18, 2021. (AP Photo/Dan Christian Rojas)

This video of Ted Cruz getting out of a big rig is the mental health break we need right now

If there’s anything more pathetic than Ted Cruz being pusillanimous, it’s Ted Cruz trying to act tough. Lately he’s been supporting the D.C. trucker convoy—the shambolic caravan of dead-ender, pro-death troglodytes that suddenly seems as culturally relevant as C.W. McCall’s seminal 1975 hit “Convoy.” 

Of course, being Ted Cruz, he’s been nothing but openminded and inclusive—at least when it comes to diverse strains of Klansmen. And since his favorite pastime appears to be ineptly faking genuine human emotion, we’re treated to spectacles like this:

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Jesus TruckNutz-Festooning Christ. The only thing missing is Michael Dukakis’ tank helmet. How much you wanna bet that beard is, like, 98% glued-on gibbon pubes?

Now, I’m not saying I’d do any better than Ted did here. Then again, I’m not trying to pretend I’m a man of the people by encouraging working-class truckers to endanger their lives, their long-term health, and their families’ futures for no discernible reason.

Of course, this is far from the first time Sen. Cruz has fallen on his face attempting to be an everyman. Remember when he called a basketball hoop a basketball “ring”?

Or the time he left his hardworking constituents behind to freeze to death while he Cancuned it out of the country?

But this is arguably more embarrassing, because it explodes the tough-guy myth he’s meticulously tried to cultivate.

Needless to say, I’m not the only one who noticed …

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— Vaxxed & Masked (@MELLAMB66) March 11, 2022

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— PoliticOhMyGawd (@PoliticOhMyGawd) March 11, 2022

— TammySue Campbell-Ruhl (@TammySueRuhl) March 11, 2022

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Ah, Ted. One day you’ll be accepted. Not by humans, of course—but I can only assume you’ll be a key collaborator for the Reptilians of the Draco Constellation once they finally reveal themselves. Until then … keep on suckin’.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE. 

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