This video of people moving their crap out of the White House is like Xanax

I never thought watching people move their shit out of a house could be so calming. It’s way better than whale song or crackling yule log footage.

Get out, you odious fuck toads!

Hit the bricks, pricks!

Just slip out the back, Jack.

Drop off the pee tape, Lee, and set yourself free.

And so forth.

Moving trucks can be seen outside the White House pic.twitter.com/tLQXNfIhiK

— The Hill (@thehill) January 14, 2021

If for some reason I’m still watching this on the morning of January 20, fully in thrall to its implacable, siren-like spell, someone please jolt me out of my reverie. I’ll probably need a snack, and maybe a sponge bath.

Get out, get out. Get the FUCK OUT, you feculent, amoral shart garglers! OUT!

Where’s a dedicated webcam when you need one? Please! It’s like heroin.

Six days! Six!

I can feel the stress leaving my body like a septic fart demon.

Out! Out, you philistines! Out!

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links!