Coonskin Gandhi (aka Jacob Chansley, aka Jake Angeli, aka the Odin of Assholes) is currently in a detention facility after checks notes attempting to overthrow the legitimate government of the United States.

He put on quite a show for us last week after breaching the Capitol doors and howling at either the moon or Trump’s pocky, globose arse—I forget which.

Well, get ready to shrink your violins down to the quantum level because, erm, he isn’t eating. Why, you ask? You won’t fucking believe it …

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Für die non-tweeterers:

Jacob Chansley, AKA Jake Angeli, Arizona man makes first court appearance in for charges related to storming the U.S. Capitol. His mom says he hasn’t eaten since Friday because the detention facility won’t feed him all organic food.

Okay, Beyonce. Are you also dying of thirst because they have Dasani instead of solstice dew lovingly harvested from the enchanted pubes of Goddess Freya?

I’m all for organic food, but if you want that kind of treatment, I don’t know, maybe don’t lay siege to the world’s beacon of democracy. And don’t dress like you’re fixin’ to eat the asshole out of a gonorrheal howler monkey.

Just a thought, Chachi.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links!

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