Get it? Hare? As in the Easter Bunny? Come on!
First, let’s cue up the Paas-hued horror who keeps Cadburying the Oval Office carpet with his vile and voluminous brain droppings:
TRUMP: “For Christians all over America this is Holy Week. We remember the resurrection of Jesus Christ. So important. But this Easter will be much different than others because in many cases we’ll be separated physically only from our churches. We won’t be sitting there next to each other, which we’d like to be and soon will be again. But right now we’re keeping separation, we’re getting rid of the plague. It’s a plague on our country like nobody’s ever seen. But we’re winning the battle, we’re winning the war. We’ll be back together in churches right next to each other. Celebrate, bring the family together like no other. We have a lot to be thankful for. Happy Easter, everybody!”
Is, uh, that really the right tone for a solemn Easter message? It’s been awhile since I’ve gone to church, but come on. I half expected him to end that with “Are you ready for some football?!”
How can he still be so bad at this? I mean, he’s been pretending to be a Christian for almost five years now. You’d think he would have picked up on at least a few of the nuances.
Now, here’s the guy large percentages of Republicans remain convinced isn’t a real Christian, even as they continue to heap hosannas on Caligula 2.0:
See how easy that is, Donnie? No shouting, no carnival barker gesticulations, no verbal ipecac. Just a sincere and heartfelt Easter message.
You’re not on QVC, dude. You’re trying to comfort a nation in distress. There’s nothing wrong with doing a second take. Maybe pretend like America is a 24-year-old Slovakian model and you’re trying to get in our pants. Now read it again.
Or you could take some presidenting lessons. I’m sure Obama would be happy to help if you let him.
Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.