Hey, I’d be tired, too.

Wait, I am tired. The past two and a half years have felt like trying to harvest semen from a violently ill marlin on a Tilt-A-Whirl. 

In other words, exhausting.

But now, apparently, White House officials are so fucking tired they’re not even attempting to align Donald Trump’s Hieronymus Bosch-like brainscapes with reality anymore.

But the indefatigable Glenn Kessler of The Washington Post is still on the job.

First, the Trump statement:

“You read where we’re sending some troops to Saudi Arabia. That’s true. Because we want to help Saudi Arabia. They have been a very good ally. They’ve agreed to pay for the cost of those troops. They’ve agreed to pay fully for the cost of everything we’re doing over there. . . . Saudi Arabia is paying for 100 percent of the cost, including the cost of our soldiers. And that negotiation took a very short time — like, maybe, about 35 seconds.”

Thirty-five seconds, huh? Well, he managed to sire five children in roughly the same amount of time, so … maybe?

Alas, no.


Notice that Trump claims he negotiated this deal in a “very short time — like, maybe, about 35 seconds.” In previous White Houses we have covered, such a stunning act of negotiation would be accompanied by readouts by presidential aides, eager to explain how such a coup came about.

But, in this case, just crickets from the White House, except for the bragging by the president himself. White House officials would not explain what Trump meant.

Of course they wouldn’t. Because they don’t know. And neither does anyone else, including Trump himself.

As for the meat of Trump’s claim — that Saudi Arabia is paying for ev-er-y-thing — er, not so much:

The core of the statement, attributed to a State Department spokesman, said: “While we will not comment on specific bilateral defense agreements, more broadly the United States encourages burden-sharing among partners in support of shared security interests, to include defense of the Arabian Gulf.”

Notice the “encourages burden-sharing” language. That certainly sounds like an aspiration, not a negotiated outcome. And the State Department won’t comment on a “specific bilateral defense agreement” even though the president is talking about it? That doesn’t make much sense.

Ha ha ha. You’re not still trying to make sense of this fuckwit’s spewage, are you, Mr. Kessler? Because that’s a Sisyphean task if there ever was one. But, hey, thanks for trying. Truly, it’s much appreciated.

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