Donald Trump

Hey, what smells in here?

Stick a pin in this week. In years to come, when we look back on the sad and sordid history of the Trump Presidency, this will be the week when we realize that the whole damn thing started to come apart at the seams. And to realize that Glorious Tweeter himself kept picking at the thread.

This week showed once and for all, the utter, complete, feckless incompetence of the Trump administration. Not only did Trump storm out of Hanoi without his pre-planned Sharpie moment, signing another useless agreement with Kim Dong Pun, but he capped it off by insulting the family of a murdered American student, Otto Warmbier, by siding with his executioner, and thereby ensuring that he shortly faces a public, bipartisan kick in the balls by an enraged congress for being such sa soulless shit.

But worse yet for Herr Twitler, was the realization that most of the world didn’t even realize that he was still in Hanoi. Michael Cohen literally owned the airwaves Wednesday, while he dumped a Kansas sized compost heap on top of Trump’s orange whip head. The first time that MSNBC even mentioned Trump and Vietnam that I saw was at 11:50 EST at night, when Brian Williams mentioned the summit, and showed a quick feed of the two tubby despots sitting together.

There are two reasons why this past week will mark the beginning of the end for Trump. The first is the investigations. We’re only 10 days in, and already it is 100X worse than Trump ever could have imagined, or that they could prepare him for. Not only is the House Intel committee digging deeper into Trump-Russia, but there are also investigations into the Stephanie Clifford payoff campaign violations, Trump’s taxes, Trump’s association with Deutsche bank, the Trump organization, the goldmine that is Allan Weisselbegs, and even Trump’s children. Trump’s enraged “These investigations must stop NOW” tweet is graphic proof of a man learning the difference between drawing a “red line” for a guy he could fire if needed, and drawing one for a bunch of people who are capable of responding with double barreled birds.

The second reason has so far flown pretty much under the radar. When Cohen came out of his closed door session with the House Intel committee on Thursday, his legal adviser, Lannie Davis, commented that Cohen had “broken new ground” with the Intel committee, and that it was a “game changer.” On Friday night, Chris Hayes at MSNBC asked Intel member Eric Swalwell if that had been simply hyperbole from Davis, and Swalwell replied, “Not at all Chris. It was something we had never heard before, and we were literally on the edge of our seats. That’s why he’s coming back next Wednesday, to discuss it further.”

Sauron Flackabee Slanders is so full of horseshit. Her favorite “go to” line every time the Toddler in Chief spews bile is that Trump is a “counter puncher. Somebody hits him, and he hits back 10 times harder.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Trump is at his best when he comes out swinging first, setting an opponent back on their heels, and controlling both the confrontation, and the ensuing narrative. When Trump is forced to respond, he inevitably comes off as cheap, petty, vindictive and childish. Every damn time

Trump is at his worst when he is unchained and unscripted. His advisers know it, his staff knows it, and the media knows it too. That’s why his staff so hates all of those “pool sprays” that Trump insists on having at the start of every cabinet meeting and Sharpie aerobics session. As much as they try to bums rush the media out of there, they already know that the reporters are going to shout questions, just as surely as they know that the silly old bastard is going to answer them.

If I were Trump’s staff, I would encase the walls of the golf simulator room so that it couldn’t get wi-fi reception, and then stick a cot in there for him to sleep in. Maybe put a sign over the door that reads “Mar-A-Lago” or something. The investigations are going to be bad enough, especially the ones that are publicly televised. Trump is going to tweet hysterically, or even wore, go on a phone rant on Fox And Friends to rebut each and every new accusation or revelation. He will either lie, and lie spectacularly badly, in ways that make him look like he’s covering shit up, or worse yet, he’;; accidentally blurt out an inconvenient truth, giving investigators new leads to follow, and cementing allegations as facts.

But worse by far will be the “new ground” that both Davis and Swalwell publicly hinted about. Trump has absolutely no way of knowing what new, sensational sin that they’re referring to. And, having the attention span of a newborn tadpole for any subject that isn’t him, he has no way of knowing how much Cohen knows or remembers, or which past travesty he is referring to. All he knows is that it’s something that hasn’t been publicly bandied around before. Trump is totally transactional, and he has way too much free fucking time on his hands. Mark my words. As he begins to dredge out more and more faded memories of his past misdeeds, he will begin to tweet about them, either to deny them, or with some bullshit rationalization. And while he’s playing that Twitter game of whack-a-mole over his darkest fears about Cohen’s “secret” allegation, qho knows what new avenues of investigation he throws out there totally unsolicited?

No doubt about it, the House investigations are going to bring out many unsavory things that Trump would like us not to know about. But as it stands right now, approximately 37% of the country couldn’t care less. Much more dangerous to Trump are the damaging revelations that he himself may expose in his panic to deal with an unknown threat from Michael Cohen. That way lies madness, and I’m looking forward on watching him take the journey.

Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are still sitting around collecting dust, and Amazon is starting to send me nasty e-mails. And what better time to get reacquainted with the roller coaster that was the 2016 election cycle than before the release of the final volume of the trilogy, President Evil III, All the Presidents Fen.

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  • March 2, 2019