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The Amazing Thing About Corporate Talks By Famous People

2 min read

They are usually turgid, vacuous and extraordinarily boring. You get the odd one that keeps you awake, however they are by definition meant to be soothing. I have never been to one that shook the foundations of the industry I was working in at the time, think of it as auditory scented candles if you like…. zzzzzzzzz…..hmmm…. oh right….

I was usually given a place at one of these snooze fests as a reward [instead of something meaningful like some more money for research], attendance was not compulsory, but any skipping would have been frowned upon, like ducking out of the much dreaded corporate retreat.

The only reason that I would like to read them is that that takes a damn sight less time than attending one. I think all you could draw upon from them would be, thank god I was not there. They hire a speaker for confirmation not revolution. Would you pay someone £200,000/h to come terrify your employees or call into question their confidence as the real movers and shakers? My impression was that they had all been written by committee and approved by the board, sometimes it appeared that the speaker had never seen it before that night.

Ah yes when you come out of the hall, be complimentary after all negativity is frowned upon, go home and have a drink, maybe even a cry and try to work out how the hell you are going to get out of the next one. Cant I pass it onto one of my team as a wrist slap for poor performance? I mean excellent team work, of course. Sorry, just a slip of the tongue, my bad.

Keep demanding them by all means, for bedtime reading as they could be dangerous for work…..zzzz…….aaaarrrggggh….ouch… paper cut.

PS. You wont get the off the cuff “Romney” quotes in a transcript.

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