Ted Cruz has been accused of a lot of things: being the Zodiac Killer; being from Canada; being a churlish Sea Monkey that grew out of control in a secret Area 51 lab before escaping into the forest with a family-size bag of Bugles and a sixer of Zima; being the son of a key JFK assassination conspiracist; spending the past four years hiding in Donald Trump’s Underoos like a colicky baby wallaby; having the personality of a clammy loaf of reduced-salt Wonder Bread; running away to Cancun when his home state was in crisis; having a black, bloodless knot of a heart the size of a runty chickpea.
The list goes on.
But one thing few people have ever accused Cruz of is forthrightness.
Case in point: Republicans, once again, are trying to pretend the stuff you saw them do just a few short years ago—stuff like run up the deficit and block Barack Obama’s federal and Supreme Court nominations—never really happened.
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.