Ted Cruz: 'We’ve got four months to stop a blue wave'

Less than four months, actually, but who’s counting? Well, I am. I may put together a “Goodbye, Asshole” advent calendar that counts down to Election Day. Wouldn’t that be fun?

TED CRUZ: “Let me tell you right now. Every one of those crazed, angry leftists who showed up in 2018, they’re showing up in 2020, and they’re even angrier. They hate President Trump, and far too many of them hate America. The left is not going to stop at anything to come after Texas and come after this country, and we’ve got four months to stop a blue wave from destroying the great state of Texas.”

Well, except for the bit about being “crazed,” hating America, and destroying Texas, this is spot on.

Republicans have very little time to stop a blue wave — and, yes, that blue wave might drown even Texas in better health care; a fairer, more sustainable economy; better policing; and sensible COVID-mitigation strategies (i.e., it will be “destroyed”).

But Cruz — who’s creepier than a guy in an arm cast who asks you to help him load a sofa into his van but not quite as creepy as watching all three Human Centipede movies back-to-back in an abandoned mental hospital — may not be the best choice to deliver the anti-blue wave rallying cry. They need to find a more charismatic Republican like, say, Spiro Agnew’s bleached bones.

Of course, Ted might be freaking out because ruby-red Texas could very well flip blue this election cycle, and if that happens it will be harder for Cruz to hold onto his job — and his egregious bullshit — in the future. Recent polling shows that Joe Biden and Donald Trump are neck-and-neck in Texas. And since Trump’s strategy appears to be to kill off as much of his base as possible, the state could conceivably go blue for the first time since 1976.

Even Barack Obama never got within shouting distance in Texas, but Trump is a special kind of stupid.



They’re panicking, folks. Let’s keep up the pressure.

Support Joe.

And, if you can, support M.J. Hegar in her bid to oust Republican Sen. John Cornyn.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!