Oh, hey, Ted Cruz still wants to be president! Of course he does. The “breaking” part of this news is that he still seems to think it’s possible. Though, to be fair, Ted did snag a lot of primary votes in 2016—and that was before the beard. Imagine the mojo he’s got workin’ now!
Of course, Ted is universally loathed among warmblooded vertebrates, so he’s forced to run as a Republican. And he’s also apparently forced to break big news via The Truth Gazette, which sounds like the name of a publication a Republican 15-year-old would come up with. And here Cruz is sitting down with 15-year-old Brilyn Hollyhand, who started the conservative media outlet to “to fight the Fake News.”