Trump outs us at rally, forces us to abort plan to rename Thanksgiving

I was at my local hipster coffee shop, where I was calling several members of the Deep State. Our plan for world domination completely hinges on getting people to say “Happy Holidays,” but Donald thwarts us at every turn. People now say “Merry Christmas” to me, completely on Trump’s orders, just to rub it in my…

My great Thanksgiving political slugfest you missed

I’m somewhat active in a local veteran’s organization, which hosted a Thanksgiving potluck. The food was fantastic, and the people are fun to talk to—normally. There is a healthy range of political views, but there’s a couple of Trump fanatics. I made a promise to myself if I go this year, it will be to…

wasn't the war on Thanksgiving won when Plymouth Rock landed on us

“On July 4, 1834, Plymouth Rock was on the move again, this time a few blocks north to the front lawn of the Pilgrim Hall Museum. And once again, the boulder had a rough ride. While passing the courthouse, the rock fell from a cart and broke in two on the ground.” (www.history.com/…) He got the premise for this insanity by misinterpreting a faux…

Why didn't you fools tell me about the War on Thanksgiving?

I’m hurt, honestly. I thought we were simpatico. I mean, this is the biggest, most dynamic community of liberals, like, anywhere on the planet — and not a peep. And I’m really good at this kind of thing, believe me. I’ve ruined numerous Thanksgiving meals. Just ask my family. For starters, I’m an agnostic vegan and they’re all…